Archive for June 2015
Mental Steroids
A physician of renown I certainly am, though for a generation I have focused most of my intellect on the rather irrelevant albeit stimulating task of helping athletes run faster, jump higher, hit more home runs, and register more knockouts with shoulder pads and fists. Only in recent years have activists tried to persuade me…
Read MoreInvader Insect
Insect size of armored dachshund dashes across carpet where I pounce and thrice club with notebook and head to kitchen for paper towel. Insect has reincarnated and resumed running toward sofa I block into paper towel pressing to hear pop and feel lubricant taken to sink for thorough drowning and squeezing deposited into trash overturned…
Read MoreDrought is God’s Punishment
Until last week I thought the drought that’s squeezing California resulted from natural weather fluctuations, and didn’t want to be political or presume to have scientific insight so rarely mentioned climate change and then only as a relatively minor factor. I should’ve known there was a much simpler yet more ominous explanation, and Shannon Grove…
Read MoreStalin Makes Comeback
I hope you hypocritical Americans have read the recent article in the Los Angeles Times. If I had said these things, you wouldn’t have believed them. Now you have to accept that in the only place that counts, the vast Soviet Union, I am again a hero to leaders and peasants alike, and that those…
Read MoreOvereaters Anonymous
Friends, we are powerless over food and really shouldn’t be eating it but the alternative is even more perilous than gluttony so we must learn some skills of restraint. Ours is not a relatively easy addiction to overcome, like alcoholism, since people certifiably can survive without drinking, and I speak empirically as a former drunkard…
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