Archive for September 2013
Flight of Insanity
During my recent trip to Spain film director Pedro Almodóvar calls and invites me to join him on a short flight from Madrid to Marbella. Since I’ve never flown first class or met movie celebrities, I accept, figuring I’ll learn much about filmmaking. What a horrific misconception. First, I can’t find Pedro, and the flight…
Read MoreShorty Belton
Bombs, bullets, bayonets, and insanity dominate island Okinawa in spring 1945 as American soldiers kill hundred thousand Japanese soldiers who kill and wound sixty-five thousand Americans, and both slaughter thousands of natives. Someone shoots Shorty Belton in leg. He’s lucky, surviving in relative good health, and returns to Spokane where he marries, raises family, works…
Read MoreKarzai Angry
I’m often angry. Afghanistan’s been at war decades and American ally continues to kill many civilians. Last week in eastern Kunar province drone blew up four women and four children in addition to three alleged terrorists. Afghans wail when this happens and demand I evict Americans. I’d like to. I want high-tech killers out. I…
Read MorePutin on Syrian Gas
Let’s be honest. I’m shrewdest politician in world. I maneuver into many terms as president, deftly gag dissenters, jail Pussy Riot female rockers who belittle Christ, and now I write columns for New York Times. If life weren’t so good in Russia I’d move to Big Apple and comment full-time. I have special insight into…
Read MoreOur Son
He’s good son until bipolar disorder attacks in high school and makes crazy, and Dad and I are relieved he marries bipolar woman and moves away so we rarely see. Years later he calls and says she divorced him, and I overrule Dad and say, we’ve got to make room. In few days he’s scarier…
Read MoreLast Bodyguard
I study painting like young Fuehrer but as he did abandon studio to protect Fatherland. Stalin’s hordes are occupying other half of Poland in 1939 when someone shoots me in chest. Go home, superiors say. No, I can still serve. They agree and I soon earn introduction to Fuehrer who speaks politely and allows me…
Read MoreBack Yard Hole
What’re you doing home, Fred, wife said. Sick of job. How’ll we live. Fred didn’t answer. He grabbed shovel in garage, put on work gloves, walked into back yard, and started digging. He dug fast, heaving dirt far as possible, and hole got wide and deep by sundown. What in God’s name, said wife. Fred…
Read MoreKim Jong Un Executes Girlfriend
I am physical and spiritual protector of nation and that’s only reason I ordered execution of ex-girlfriend and eleven other preserve members of orchestras I’d trusted to honorably entertain citizens. This has nothing to do with wife, former member of same orchestra, being jealous. This has nothing to do with immoral singer saying I’m fat…
Read MoreTeacher Patrimony
I teach Spanish in Mexico City, math in Morelos, history in Guadalajara. Father passed his job to me as Grandfather had to him. We’re educators. We don’t need government bureaucrats to hire and evaluate us with standardized tests. We’re evaluating them, wearing masks and waving sticks and lying in streets, snarling traffic and leaving kids…
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