Victims of “Borat” Strike Back

Borat, the now infamous pseudo-journalist from Kazakhstan, beguiled many kind and trusting Americans into exposing themselves for his obscene documentary.  His victims have since been humiliated, scorned, beaten, sued and worse, and, as they align themselves for a landmark lawsuit, here for the first time they strike back at the man who so degraded them.…

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Discouraged

I’m not going to tell whether as security officer I serve old Baathists, new Sunnis, Sadr Shiites, Iranian Shiites, autonomous Kurds, Christians, or CIA operatives. I can’t tell you because I often don’t know. Look what happened November fourteenth – year doesn’t matter – at Ministry of Education research center: several dozen men driving pickup…

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Accepting Responsibility for Gang Violence

Driving home one recent night I inadvertently punched in a radio station offering the local news, that eternal barrage of murders, fires, and car crashes.  I would’ve turned to something more stimulating but was startled by the strident voice, half way to a yell, of a lady who in this story will be called Ann…

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Breaking the Fast of Ramadan

Dawn till dusk Ramadan adherents forsake food, drink, sex, and destructive behavior to “cleanse bodies and souls, empathize with less fortunate, embrace self-purity and self-restraint, cut themselves off from worldly conflicts, and focus on purpose of life by constantly being aware of God.” Month of rigor ends with consumption of dates followed by feast. Afterward…

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Hugo Chavez Show

I’m having great time. I’ve got own television show, and no one can cancel. Who’d want to? Almost every Sunday I put on best show ever. I talk about politics and baseball and sex on “Alo Presidente” and then sing before discussing Christ – first socialist – and reminisce about military career as lieutenant colonel…

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Dick Cheney Intensifies Attacks on Lamont and other Enemies

Many cowardly liberal isolationists are demanding I apologize for accusing Ned Lamont of helping “Al Qaeda types” realize their “bet they can ultimately break the will of the American people” and ruin our ability to “stay in the fight and complete the task.”  I shan’t take that back nor my trenchant comment that the Democratic…

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Fidel Poised

Last week the imperialists again unleashed their lies, wishfully proclaiming I was either dead or incapacitated.  In fact, I was neither.  I was recovering remarkably well from surgery to stop intestinal bleeding.  The Cuban people didn’t need to know whether I had cancer or diverticulosis or some other ailment.  They only yearned for reassurance their…

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Why Israel and Palestine Must Become One State

In April last year I wrote a column noting there will always be intolerable discord between Jews and Arabs until Israel helps Palestine build a free and independent state.  This is not a fantasy…fantastic is the continuing belief that current trends will ever lead to peace.  Growing numbers of Israeli Jews want Israeli Arabs to…

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Top Adviser Offers Blueprint of Mexico’s Future

All Mexican presidential candidates launched their 2006 campaigns by acknowledging that I more than anyone had mastered the essential issues and formed astonishing plans to propel our country out of Third World quicksand and into the cherished state of First World existence.  I was thus going to be the foremost adviser no matter who won…

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The Most Difficult Choice

Only yesterday did I realize how harsh and mistrusting I’d been.  Only then did I understand I should have helped in December 2004 when I received an urgent email from Mrs. Rita Savimbi, wife of heroic Angolan revolutionary and guerilla leader Jonas Savimbi.  The erudite Mr. Savimbi, who lyrically spoke seven languages, dedicated forty years…

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Hamas Leaders Debate their Historic Victory

Two high ranking Hamas officials yesterday debated the meaning of their party’s recent landslide victory over Fatah in the Palestinian elections.  One of the officials is associated with the military arm of Hamas and the other is involved in social services.  Both demanded anonymity. Military Official – Now the Israelis will have to yield to…

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