Vladimir Putin

Anne Frank on Tour and Other Stories — Published Today

July 24, 2023

Ann Frank on Tour and Other Stories   Introduction This lively collection offers literary short stories founded on History, Love, Need, Excess, and Final Acts. In History, Thomas Jefferson and Sally Hemings sit for a revealing interview that should have happened.  Anne Frank survives the Holocaust and goes on a rousing book tour in the…

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When Sergey Lavrov Awakens – 12

March 18, 2022

Vladimir, we’ve got to do something. That little bastard’s killing us. Maybe we’ll get him someday. I hope so. Meanwhile he’s arousing tears and standing ovations in legislative bodies and living rooms around the world. Did you see his speech to Congress? He says Russians are against human values and Ukrainian dreams, the same dreams…

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Putin’s Terms – 11

March 15, 2022

Don’t swallow the lie that I wanted all of Ukraine and am only limiting my goals since the enemy’s proving tougher and more skillful than expected and our troops are fighting with less skill and élan than I demanded and international sanctions continue to bleed our economy and force us to default on foreign debt…

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Tchaikovsky Protests – 10

March 14, 2022

Oh surely you realize that a man of my sensibilities and intimate tastes could never support a beast like Vladimir Putin and his henchmen, and I’m in accord with sanctions against oligarchical money as well as Russian gas and oil and even ethnic restaurants and bars in other lands. Starve the tyrant’s war machine and…

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What Does the Media Really Want in Ukraine? – 7

March 10, 2022

Unless you’re spending hours a day scouring the internet in search of critical news from Ukraine, you probably missed President Volodymyr Zelensky’s essential compromise that his nation is now willing to forgo membership in NATO. That should have been the lead story on all platforms around the world. Instead, we heard Zelensky evoke Churchill by…

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Zelensky Duels Putin – 5

March 7, 2022

In a sealed room somewhere bombs can’t be heard, Vladimir Putin, standing by his chair, points to a table long as a bowling lane, and says, “Please sit down.” Volodymyr Zelensky stations himself at one end and Putin the other. “Welcome, President Zelensky. I trust you had a comfortable trip. As you know, I guaranteed…

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Putin Broods – 3

February 28, 2022

I can’t sleep. I’m surrounded by nuclear-armed terrorists trying to enlist even more enemies. Of course I’m tense. You would be too. And I’m sick of impudent aides telling me I look tired. They don’t look so good either. I really don’t think I look that bad. I still exercise and have fine medical care…

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Stalin Makes Comeback

June 15, 2015

I hope you hypocritical Americans have read the recent article in the Los Angeles Times. If I had said these things, you wouldn’t have believed them. Now you have to accept that in the only place that counts, the vast Soviet Union, I am again a hero to leaders and peasants alike, and that those…

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Putin Fights Fascists in Ukraine

August 31, 2014

It is my duty to speak and my nature to lead. Russians and all others respect the most fearsome martial artist who’s ever guided any nation and the special friend of a sensuous young woman. I bring strength, insight, and animal appeal into any environment I grace. Right now, more than ever, my stage is…

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Mayor Klitschko’s Successes

August 19, 2014

I didn’t worry about ragged furniture in my office at Kiev City Hall. The city looked much worse as unemployment rose, wages fell, our till stood empty, protestors lived in tents a hundred meters from my office, and Russian troops mobilized on our eastern border. The big bears intended to convince all Ukrainians, and especially…

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Putin Grieves for Odessa

May 6, 2014

Quit denouncing Russia and listen to those more knowledgeable who explain the corrupt regime in Ukraine criminally seized power. Understand that I will not much longer permit atrocities against my people. Accept that I have sufficient troops ready to protect the innocent. Admit you can’t stop me. Ask yourself why you would want to. Note…

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Putin Writes Kerry

April 10, 2014

To John Kerry Secretary of State Dear Secretary Kerry, Worry not about the Russian army I don’t want to unleash but beware of me if you keep accusing us of agitating in eastern Ukraine. I may ultimately treat you like a gangly puppet on a loose string. Keep your bad breath out of our faces.…

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Putin Warns the West

March 20, 2014

Don’t call me shorty or I’ll throw you over my hip. I’m a superpower leader ready to protect the Russian people who’ve so often been “not merely robbed but plundered” by such heathens as Napoleon, Hitler, Bush father and son, Clinton, and Obama, the latter four deluded Americans who claim God wants them to “determine…

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Nikita Khrushchev Explains

March 19, 2014

Don’t blame me Vladimir Putin’s grabbing the Crimea sixty years after I bestowed that lovely peninsula on Ukraine, the great Russian Breadbasket where I’d forged my political career and found a bride. Listen to my son, Sergei. He’s a wizard in computers and missiles and holds multiple advanced degrees and teaches at Brown University and…

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Crimean Anschluss

March 16, 2014

Be assured: if I, instead of slumbering Stalin, had been running Russia in 1941, the Germans wouldn’t have attacked and mauled us because I would’ve already smashed them. I understand what’s necessary. We must keep enemies away from our frontiers. The United States and its European mercenaries will not be allowed to surround us with…

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Vladimir Putin Attacks

March 11, 2014

The United States is shaking while all of Europe trembles. They know they can’t stop me. No one can. I’m master politician black belt in judo and consummate stud who took down sacrilegious female rockers Pussy Riot and sent them to jail same place many other critics spend years contemplating dangers of contradicting their leader…

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Putin on Syrian Gas

September 14, 2013

Let’s be honest. I’m shrewdest politician in world. I maneuver into many terms as president, deftly gag dissenters, jail Pussy Riot female rockers who belittle Christ, and now I write columns for New York Times. If life weren’t so good in Russia I’d move to Big Apple and comment full-time. I have special insight into…

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Putin to Host Snowden

August 3, 2013

I shall be delighted to host freedom fighter Edward Snowden not only in Russia but in dacha. He’s brave young man to reveal American colossus, through NSA and other insidious organizations, is recording every conversation, email, and indeed every thought of every citizen in hyper-aggressive, homosexual-loving country. Those who call me intelligence-gobbling hypocrite, since I…

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Vladimir Putin Suppresses Pussy Riot

August 18, 2012

My Gods are no longer Lenin and Stalin and beautiful communist colossus crumbling during greatest geopolitical disaster of Twentieth Century. Higher power now is Russian Orthodox Church which supports me and ongoing recovery of nation I have rebuilt and led for many years and, God willing, will lead many more. It has thus been sacred…

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Gay Moscow

June 10, 2012

moscow bans gay parades hundred years when president putin will lead procession

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