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Category Archives: Middle East

One State or Two

I knew I was going to be a hell of a president but, frankly, I underestimated myself. I’ve got a great feel for diplomacy and international relations. Did you see me at the news conference last week with Prime Minister Abe after the North Koreans had test fired another ballistic missile? I coolly let the […]

Also posted in Benjamin Netanyahu, Donald Trump, Egypt, Iran, Iraq, Israel, Palestine, Syria

Madam

drop your cloak and veil

Also posted in ISIS, Islam, Saudi Arabia, Terrorism

Hill of Shame

you ask why with blankets and refreshments we like tourists go to parash hill overlooking gaza and i confess i need angry orange flames and plumes of smoke black white and gray and to see buildings collapse and afterward study crimson photos of corpses wrapped white in sheets like those covering my children when they […]

Also posted in Gaza, Israel, Palestine, Poetry - GTC

Turkey to ISIS

miles of isis tanker trucks back and forth syria to turkey

Also posted in ISIS, Poetry - GTC, Russia, Syria

Netanyahu Campaigns in America

Thank you very much, and thank all the Americans who have so generously amended their constitution to permit me, a man not native to this great country but who in many ways is inherently American, to try to achieve my greatest dream and become your president. I deserve your votes, and in fact am now […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Benjamin Netanyahu, Campaign 2016, Gaza, Israel, Palestine

Deadly Numbers

I was an Iraqi professor of statistics until the United States and later ISIS destroyed my classroom and much of the university. I suppose I should thank each group for attacking when school wasn’t in session, but I believe that may have been coincidental. At any rate, like civilized people everywhere, I commiserate with the […]

Also posted in Afghanistan, Iraq, ISIS, Paris

Saudis Defend Refugee Policies

We in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia are most chagrined by quite ignorant insults about our unwillingness to accept refugees from imploding Syria. It’s unconscionable, say arrogant Westerners, that the Saudis can’t welcome some of their Arab brothers and sisters who’ve been displaced by an enduring civil war; these refugees share the same language and […]

Also posted in Germany, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Syria

Purgatory

I didn’t panic at all, not at first. We tourists at the Museo Casa de Purgatorio in Guanajuato simply followed the guide behind stone walls into a dim room where he said, “Here, ladies and gentlemen, we have a traditional stockade used to harness drunks and teach them discipline. Sir, would you like the give […]

Also posted in Guanajuato, ISIS, Mexico, Torture

Home Sweet Home

Business is great, and I’m hiring more workers this week. We’ll soon be building fifteen hundred new housing units in the West Bank. The Palestinians are outraged but we don’t care. They can’t stop us and we can’t stop ourselves. Every time they scratch themselves or, more worrisome, exercise democratic rights, we pick up our […]

Also posted in Apartheid, Israel, Palestine

Saddam Counters Islamic State

Thankfully I’m an empathetic man or I would’ve hammered my driver into the head of the flunky who interrupted my backswing on the gorgeous eighteenth tee at Doral. He said he was an aide to President Barack Obama and urged me to help save Iraq and the Middle East and vital American and Israeli interests. […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, George H. W. Bush, George W. Bush, Iran, Iraq, ISIS, Ronald Reagan, Saddam Hussein, Turkey

Pyramids

pyramid generals mummify those asking questions

Also posted in Egypt, Islam, Mohamed Morsi, Poetry - GTC

Netanyahu Assails Rouhani

All Iranian leaders are wolves. Ahmadinejad dressed like wolf so was less dangerous than new President Hassan Rouhani who’s disguised as sheep so can pull wool over international eyes. He wants you to forget decade ago he masterminded hiding nuclear weapons program. He didn’t fool Israel. No one fools us. And we pray he won’t […]

Also posted in Benjamin Netanyahu, Hassan Rouhani, Iran, Israel, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Nuclear Weapons

New Iranian President

I am Hassan Rouhani, new president of Iran and most reasonable and educated man. I speak Persian, Arabic, and English well, received law degree in Scotland, and have served Iran in many high military, diplomatic, and political offices. No one has more relevant experience. I understand people and universal need for expression and think you […]

Also posted in Hassan Rouhani, Iran, Israel, Nuclear Weapons, Short Pieces - GTC

Putin on Syrian Gas

Let’s be honest. I’m shrewdest politician in world. I maneuver into many terms as president, deftly gag dissenters, jail Pussy Riot female rockers who belittle Christ, and now I write columns for New York Times. If life weren’t so good in Russia I’d move to Big Apple and comment full-time. I have special insight into […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bashar al-Assad, Chemical Weapons, Hafez al-Assad, Pussy Riot, Russia, Short Pieces - GTC, Syria, Vladimir Putin

Kerry Challenges Assad

We have unassailable evidence Bashar al-Assad gassed Syrian civilians in vile attempt to retain stranglehold on country. What we don’t have is war-winning military option. Americans don’t want to fight in Syria and neither do allies. It’s therefore incumbent on me, as decorated and oft-wounded warrior, to stand up and challenge Assad to hand-to-hand combat. […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Chemical Weapons, Hafez al-Assad, John Kerry, Syria

Assad Gas Company

Obama has red line between eyes that means I can use gas whenever. I don’t want to every day, only when I need to. Sometimes I need to gas children and other sleeping civilians who understand I must keep power. Only I am qualified to lead. Before I took over, only Father was fit. Syria […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Chemical Weapons, Hafez al-Assad, Short Pieces - GTC, Syria

Morsi the Great

I detest people who doubt I’m ideal President of Egypt. I oppose tyranny and always did in years as activist in Muslim Brotherhood. Now I’m battling reactionary elements of former regime trying to regain power and repress liberty. I don’t allow courts to help enemies of progress. I ignore them and godless parties seeking to […]

Also posted in Egypt, Mohamed Morsi, Muslim Brotherhood, Religion, Short Pieces - GTC

Assad Hangs

I’m not dork or mass murderer. I’m Syrian President for Life and with iron fist striking foreign terrorists agitating my people. This I decree during fiery speeches forcing everyone to understand father and I’ve ruled Syria forty years, lot less than forever enemies will have to wait for me to leave. Twenty million Syrians know […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Hafez al-Assad, Short Pieces - GTC, Syria

Blogger

I’m chief of Iranian Cyber-police but you don’t need name. You also don’t need names of three policemen I arrested and will detain while death of blogger Sattar Beheshti is investigated. You must, however, understand we won’t permit Iranian Revolution to be subverted by U.S.-fomented computer agitators. I guarantee Sattar Beheshti deserved to be imprisoned […]

Also posted in Internet, Iran, Short Pieces - GTC

Syrian Military Headquarters Attacked

Please be responsible citizens of the world and ignore terrorists’ claims they killed about twenty men at our national military headquarters in downtown Damascus. I assure you none of my officers and soldiers died. Perhaps a few suffered minor injuries. The building itself did sustain some blasts and burns and had to be evacuated. That […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Hafez al-Assad, Syria

World According to Americans

Don’t know if they were godless communists or radical Muslims but some outrageous critters emailed world map insulting Americans. On map they write we think Canada’s uninhabited. Bull feathers. We know few icy people live up there, and they sure as hell want to be like Alaska next door, which is now America except for […]

Also posted in Africa, Antarctica, Asia, China, Europe, India, Japan, Mexico, Russia, Short Pieces - GTC, South Africa

Conviction of Bashar al-Assad

i keep saying terrorists incited and abetted by foreigners are attacking our beloved syrian homeland and have convinced myself and hope you as well

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Hafez al-Assad, Poetry - GTC, Syria

Gunter Grass’ Poem for Israel

Criticize Gunter Grass not for being anti-Semitic, which he isn’t, but for choosing the wrong medium to present “What Must Be Said” about the dangers and inequities of Israeli foreign policy. In the second stanza Grass is poetic rather than precise in stating Israel plans “a strike to snuff out the Iranian people.” The descendents […]

Also posted in Germany, Gunter Grass, Holocaust, Iran, Israel, Nuclear Weapons, Submarines, Writers

Bashar al-Assad Can’t Stop

can’t stop shooting terrorists still firing can’t retreat or they’ll move in can’t have ceasefire till sure terrorists controlled by monitors from right countries

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Hafez al-Assad, Poetry - GTC, Syria

Restrepo in Afghanistan

After U.S. soldier Robert Bales murders sixteen civilians, most women and children, you want to understand more and peer into lives of Americans fighting in Afghanistan. You can’t go there and don’t have to. In your suburban living room a large flat screen on the wall video streams any movie you choose, in this case […]

Also posted in Afghanistan, Murder, Robert Bales, Taliban, Terrorism, War

Bashar al-Assad’s New Hippocratic Oath

bashar al-assad distinguished opthamologist has revised hippocratic oath at gunpoint demanding doctors foreswear treating injured patients in syrian hospitals

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Doctors, Hafez al-Assad, Health, Poetry - GTC

Bashar al-Assad’s Minefield

why mine borders blocking those who want to flee imprisoned in syria they’ll slit your gut

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Hafez al-Assad, Poetry - GTC, Syria, Turkey

Assad Explains Siege of Homs

I’ve been reading international reports. People are saying I’ve sequestered myself with sycophants and yes men. They should be quiet and listen to the truth. I admit my opposition’s a bit broader than initially perceived. Quite a few terrorist-infected Syrians don’t understand the Assad dynasty must endure. To protect the country I’ve been forced to […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Hafez al-Assad, Poetry - GTC, Syria, United Nations

Memo to U.S. Troops in Afghanistan

do not burn the koran intentionally or unintentionally and do not use it for target practice

Also posted in Afghanistan, Koran, Poetry - GTC, Religion

Egyptian Generals Suppress Opponents

to protect freedom won in revolution we egyptian generals must stop foreign backed enemies demanding democracy settle down or fall into mubarak’s courtroom bed

Also posted in Egypt, Hosni Mubarak, Poetry - GTC

Bashar al-Assad Gets Tougher

i am not dork or mass murderer i’m president for life of syria and prepared to strike with iron fist those foreign terrorists who’ve been agitating my people this i decreed during fiery two hour speech forcing everyone to understand my father and i’ve ruled syria forty years lot less than forever they’ll have to […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Hafez al-Assad, Poetry - GTC, Syria

Awaiting First Lady of Syria

wife bashar al-assad often denounces israel when will she denounce husband

Also posted in Asma al-Assad, Bashar al-Assad, Hafez al-Assad, Israel, Poetry - GTC, Syria

West Bank Water

1. Jordan River river jordan flowing wide diverted west to sea south to desert leaving bed of roasted shit 2. Olive Trees occupied olive trees not already dead need a drink so do i and a shower and clean clothes i can’t have but am encouraged settlers grow much green grass 3. Giving don’t claim […]

Also posted in Israel, Jordan, Palestine, Poetry - GTC, Water

One Nation

palestine and israel declare yourselves one nation and rejoice

Also posted in Israel, Palestine, Poetry - GTC

Silent Bird

silent bird lurks over forbidden land assailing enemies and others

Also posted in Drones, Poetry - GTC, Terrorism

Crude Power

crude power to bribe conceal and repress

Also posted in Oil, Poetry - GTC

Gaddafi Parade

wherever he is gaddafi knows wounded worms are marching

Also posted in Libya, Muammar Gaddafi, Poetry - GTC

Male Hijab

some men hide from each other in hijabs

Also posted in Islam, Poetry - GTC, Religion, Women's Rights

Generals

This story is from the collection “Obama on Edge”

Also posted in Egypt, Hosni Mubarak, Poetry - GTC

Criminal Justice in Islam

In blighted but affordable east Bakersfield old bank transformed into new mosque hosts annual Islamic Conference where keynote speaker Main Al-Qudah, PhD in Islamic law and imam at large mosque in Houston, steps to podium. He’s slim, stern, middle-aged, dressed in suit and tie, and resembles prosecutor as power points to screen bearing principles of […]

Also posted in Alcohol, Bakersfield, Crime, Drugs, Islam, Jordan, Main Al-Qudah, Marriage, Rape, Religion, Saudi Arabia

Egomania Inside and Outside Libya

Let’s remember that Muammar Gaddafi is not the only egomaniac threatening to destroy the liberation movement of the Libyan people. While Gaddafi, using tanks and planes and semi-professional troops against brave but untrained and lightly-armed patriots, is starting to build momentum by regaining some recently-lost cities and territory, there are reports the dictator may be […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Libya, Muammar Gaddafi, Saudi Arabia

Geopolitics at the Tomb of the Virgin Mary

Visitors to the Tomb of the Virgin Mary, near Jerusalem, are doubtless humbled and excited by the opportunity to establish a physical connection, however mystical, to her son, Jesus Christ. According to the Sacred Tradition of Eastern Christianity, Mary died naturally and three days after being lain to rest was resurrected body and soul into […]

Also posted in Israel, Jesus Christ, Jews, Palestine, Religion

Psychiatrist Assesses Nidal Hasan

Prominent psychiatrist Dr. Joseph McClellan comments below about Dr. Nidal Hasan, the army psychiatrist who, during a rampage early Thursday afternoon November fifth, reloaded two automatic pistols to sustain fire on unarmed soldiers in a medical facility at Fort Hood, Texas, killing at least thirteen and wounding more than thirty. As I addressed the media […]

Also posted in Depression, Mental Health, Murder, Nidal Hasan, Terrorism

Franklin Roosevelt’s Assessments on the 70th Anniversary of World War II

Too often, I think, my fellow Americans view World War II as having begun that frightful Sunday morning December seventh, 1941 when carrier-based Japanese warplanes, in an unprovoked and dastardly attack on the United States fleet in Pearl Harbor, killed two thousand four hundred people, destroyed or damaged fifteen warships, and demolished almost two hundred […]

Also posted in Adolf Hitler, Barack Obama, Franklin Roosevelt, George W. Bush, Terrorism

The Mandate: Israel and Palestine Form One State

Really, I don’t like interceding.  I would’ve preferred to continue my anonymous visits to this biblical land but, after decades of Israelis slaughtering as many as they dared and Palestinians wishing they could’ve killed more, I must no longer remain divinely detached.  I naturally favor neither side; I embrace both.  That many consider my embrace […]

Also posted in Gaza, Israel, Palestine

Ahmadinejad and Bush Spar at the United Nations

In a startling (and heretofore unreported) miscalculation in security planning last week at the United Nations in New York, secret service agents led a rapidly-departing President George W. Bush right into the exit path of the man he most loves to talk about but least wants to talk to, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran. President […]

Also posted in George W. Bush, Holocaust, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Nuclear Weapons, Palestine, Terrorism, United Nations

Why Israel and Palestine Must Become One State

In April last year I wrote a column noting there will always be intolerable discord between Jews and Arabs until Israel helps Palestine build a free and independent state.  This is not a fantasy…fantastic is the continuing belief that current trends will ever lead to peace.  Growing numbers of Israeli Jews want Israeli Arabs to […]

Also posted in Gaza, Israel, Palestine

Hamas Leaders Debate their Historic Victory

Two high ranking Hamas officials yesterday debated the meaning of their party’s recent landslide victory over Fatah in the Palestinian elections.  One of the officials is associated with the military arm of Hamas and the other is involved in social services.  Both demanded anonymity. Military Official – Now the Israelis will have to yield to […]

Also posted in Gaza, Hamas, Israel, Palestine

Why Israel Should Help Build an Independent Palestine

Last week in Texas, Prime Minister Ariel Sharon made simple statements that are simply incomprehensible: Israel will be withdrawing from Gaza this summer; but his nation must build new housing in the West Bank to establish an “unbroken presence” from Jerusalem to a community called Maale Adumim.  Unfortunately, by so doing, Israel would be continuing […]

Also posted in Gaza, Israel, Palestine

Explosions and Elections in the Middle East

Several days ago Iraqi insurgents in Hilla detonated a massive car bomb scattering body parts and clothes onto a street puddled with blood.  About one hundred twenty people died and many more were wounded.  Most of the victims – typically – were unarmed, unprepared, and lightly guarded recruits for the army and police.  They were […]

Also posted in Afghanistan, Egypt, George W. Bush, Hosni Mubarak, Iraq, Lebanon, Palestine, Syria, Yasser Arafat