Kim Jong-Un
Update: Kim Jong Un
Sometimes my devoted people love me so much they respond in ways even I find embarrassing. This has never been truer than when my recent loss of forty fat pounds prompted millions to virtually weep in the streets as they worried about life without their Dear Leader. There are times, though not many, when I…
Read MoreHydrogen Man
I’m not short and pudgy. I’m taller and firmer than you think and in fact I’m a stud who watches professional basketball and lives like a god and beds any woman I want and the other night my current favorite swooned as I told her, “This morning I exploded a hydrogen bomb.” “Oh, Dear Leader.”…
Read MoreHimmler Visits North Korea
I’m tired of people joking the Reichsfuehrer SS once gagged and almost fainted after seeing some civilians shot. I did stagger, yes, but didn’t fall or vomit and, after being helped away and recovering, I sent orders to continue shooting. That’s such a slow and messy process, I know. We don’t have any gas chambers…
Read MoreKim Jong Un Betrayed by Uncle
I don’t care what they say in other countries. They now understand I really do control everything inside North Korea. My revered father, Kim Jong-Il, had entrusted his sister’s husband, Jang Song Thaek, to tutor me in diplomacy and military science but instead of treating me as a prodigy he often smirked, even after I…
Read MoreKim Jong Un Executes Girlfriend
I am physical and spiritual protector of nation and that’s only reason I ordered execution of ex-girlfriend and eleven other preserve members of orchestras I’d trusted to honorably entertain citizens. This has nothing to do with wife, former member of same orchestra, being jealous. This has nothing to do with immoral singer saying I’m fat…
Read MoreSuper Kim Jong Un
I don’t fear starving people. They love my fat face. I worry about generals who pray I’m not tough as Father and Grandfather, generals who may want my place. They can’t have it. They’re learning I’m strongest Kim yet. I’ve already captured, jailed, and tortured North Korean fishermen, and fired missiles able to carry nuclear…
Read MoreKorean Wail
tried to cry for kim jong il but could not my brother cried loudly but without dramatic skill now we rehearse in jail
Read MoreKim Jong-Il Attacks Again
Don’t dare celebrate Western exaggerations that my body’s withered by a stroke and my face twisted into a mask of fading comprehension. I’m still mighty Kim Jong-Il and determined to confront those who claim they’re blessed with freedom and nutrition but are in fact imperialistic criminals using economic sanctions to punish my starving North Korean…
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