Lonzo Ball

LeBron Speaks Up

May 11, 2019

I really hesitate to step forward. I’m not the meddler many say. I simply lobby for what’s best for my team. I complimented Luke Walton for good coaching late this season. I tried to protect him. Ignore those who say I’d already ordered my lieutenants to undercut him. Magic Johnson wanted him out anyway. Luke…

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Mo Wagner Intervenes

November 6, 2018

Had I not sprained my left knee and ankle during summer league action, it’s certain that as a sweet-shooting rookie almost seven-feet tall I’d already be an emerging star. Alas, I only recently regained my vigor, and the other night began my pro career in the G-League, scoring seventeen points. I consider that a promising…

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LeBron James Assesses the Lakers

October 22, 2018

(Correspondent LeBron James files the first Lakers dispatch of the 2018-2019 season.) Talk to analytical scientists all you want. I’ll instead offer meat and potatoes to clarify why I’m concerned about my Lakers after the first two games this season. We hit a higher field goal percentage and modestly more baskets than either the Portland…

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LeBron Updates Free Agency

July 1, 2018

Please ignore reports I screamed like an unanesthetized dental patient upon learning that stellar forward Paul George, presumed to be bound for the glorious Los Angeles Lakers, instead signed to stay a few years on the arid plain of Oklahoma City. I confess I did shout in pain but the source was physical rather than…

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Balls in Lithuania

December 17, 2017

I surrender. No longer can I pretend I’m uninterested in the Big Baller Ball Family. In fact, I sense I’m going to write about them whenever I get the urge. I don’t care father LaVar, aside from Donald Trump, is the most obnoxious man in the nation. It doesn’t matter he gets more publicity than…

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LaMelo Ball at the Crossroads

October 8, 2017

I’d rather concentrate on passing virtuoso Lonzo Ball, who as a rookie seems poised to spearhead the resurgence of his hometown Los Angeles Lakers, or UCLA freshman LiAngelo and his task of making a rather heavy-footed game work against more athletic players his size and larger. Instead, boastful father LaVar has compelled me to write…

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