Print This Post Print This Post

John McCain’s Astonishing Announcement

You know how proud I am to have persevered as a prisoner of war. Even after the most painful torture and deprivation, I maintained dignity and remained a warrior. I am that today. But even many of history’s most intrepid generals surrendered when to resist further would have subjected their comrades to misery without the possibility of victory. Today, therefore, I tell you that a little while ago I telephoned Senator Barack Obama to congratulate him and pledge my support since he will inevitably become the next President of the United States.

I did not consider our relative battle position nearly so hopeless as that of General Custer or our troops at Bataan, but I had been seeing, and am now willing to accept and so state, that my political and psychic connection to George W. Bush, my age, and my prickly nature would have precluded the electoral outcome we sought. In Senator Obama, I forthrightly assessed, like an opponent of pre-exile Muhammad Ali, that I was facing an uncommonly gifted adversary. He oozes charisma while I induce torpor. He bugles the future as I grope the past. In likeability polls he’s been stomping me as George W. Bush did John Kerry in 2004, and in fact had done to me in the 2000 primary; it wasn’t only dirty politics. Furthermore – and I tell you this confidentially – Obama is three full loads smarter than Bush.

Though for a month I’ve known I probably wasn’t going to win, I until quite recently would’ve continued the struggle and prayed for meteoric good luck. However, after a series of tectonic policy shifts by Obama, I realize I’m done. I, who in several years plowed from moderate Republican to conservative septuagenarian and secured my nomination by so doing, cringed while Obama sprinted to the right faster than I could’ve imagined, though his starting point was well to the left of mine.

When was the ultimate moment of capitulation? I am not sure. I was dazed by a devastating flurry of combinations to the face: Obama strapped on a six-gun and voted to overturn the ban on handguns in Washington, D.C., backed the entrepreneurs’ delight – the North American Free Trade Agreement, demanded death for child rapists while criticizing the Supreme Court for dissenting, turned and voted to grant immunity to telecommunications firms the government uses to surveil U.S. citizens as well as suspected terrorists, and like a good Republican promised to increase the role of faith-based organizations in dispensing social services. As a master of political flexibility, only Bill Clinton rivals Barack Obama.

Anyone who doubts the election outcome need but consider this: Senator Obama, who had long owned the left, must have already grabbed the center, and even some of the center-right, when Jesse Jackson, petulance soaring as his relevance declines, publicly threatened to “cut off (Obama’s) nuts” because on Father’s Day he had rebuked absentee fathers for irresponsibility and the devastation they cause. A Democrat craving defeat would’ve blamed history.

This entry was posted in Barack Obama, Campaign 2008, John McCain, Republicans.