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Grand Speeches

I just slapped on my morning lather and slid a sharp new blade into the razor and, admiring my smug mug, am thinking about my recent speeches of such strategic importance. I love what my speechwriters give me because they’ve written the feelings and visions of the world’s most important man and a guy who I’m confident history will prove was right about the transformative power of unprovoked aggression.

A man with my meager martial record has got to be special to walk in front of a hall full of warriors at the convention of the Veteran’s of Foreign War, as I did on August twenty-second, and declare that I stood before them a wartime president and was proud to be their commander-in-chief and leader of the greatest force for human liberation the world has ever known. We all instinctively understand, even my domestic adversaries, that He has chosen me for the supreme task of struggling for civilization against barbarians who slaughtered thousands on United States soil and seek to kill millions.

We had an enemy who sneak attacked us because he despised freedom, used suicide bombers, and tried to dominate an entire region and the world. I’m not talking about Al Qaeda. I’m referring to Imperial Japan. Our permanent troop deployments there after World War II, as well as in Korea following that war, enabled those Asian nations to become free and prosperous and a model for others in the area. We stayed despite countless critics insisting we were foolish to bleed while trying to help people who never would understand freedom.

Everyone understands freedom. That’s why we made a bloody error in abandoning the Vietnamese. I wish I’d been there. I’d have stayed because I knew withdrawal would lead to millions of deaths in the region, especially in neighboring Cambodia. That’s exactly what would happen if we betrayed Iraq. Don’t listen to liberals and other non-warriors who say U.S. intervention and the secret bombing campaign destabilized Cambodia and precipitated the slaughter by Pol Pot. Don’t pay attention to claims that the victorious communist Vietnamese were the ones who invaded to remove Pol Pot. And above all tune out observations – which damn few Democrats ever make anyway – that the United States killed about two million Southeast Asians, maimed many more, and dropped more bombs there than in all theaters during World War II. That stuff doesn’t bother me or most Americans.

Our big worry now is that Osama bin Laden expects us to cut and run as we did then. He knows that Iraq is the central front of the war on terror. If it isn’t, history will hang me in effigy. I won’t permit that, and I’ll never acknowledge there were no nukes and no Al Qaeda in the Iraq of Saddam Hussein. Why should I? I’ve liberated the fifty million citizens of Iraq and Afghanistan, and now they’ve learned “there’s no power like the power of freedom.”

No one can claim I’m not relentless. Only six days after the VFW speech, I strutted in front of the American Legion’s national convention and asserted we always enter wars reluctantly. I did everything to avoid attacking Iraq, didn’t I? But we had to attack because the “cradle of civilization became the home of the suicide bomber.” The Sunnis want to impose their dark ideology “by raising up a violent and radical caliphate that spans from Spain to Indonesia.”

But believe me, that’s small potatoes compared to what Shiite Iranians are doing. They’re backing Hezbollah, Hamas, the Palestinian Islamic Jihad, and the Taliban, and supplying sophisticated Improvised Explosive Devices to Iraqi terrorists and training them to “carry out attacks on our forces and the Iraqi people.” Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps is most responsible. Even though the IRGC is an official arm of the military, I’ve declared it a terrorist organization.

If not for Iranians, my policies in Iraq would have been even more successful, but now their “actions threaten the security of nations everywhere.” And I see “what would happen if these forces of radicalism and extremism are allowed to drive us out of the Middle East. The region would be dramatically transformed in a way that could imperil the civilized world. Extremists of all strains would be emboldened by the knowledge they forced America to retreat. Terrorists could have safe havens to conduct attacks on America and our friends and allies. Iran could conclude that we were weak and unable to stop them from gaining nuclear weapons. And once Iran had nuclear weapons, it would set off a nuclear arms race in the region.

“Extremists would control a key part of the world’s energy supply, and could blackmail and sabotage the global economy. They could use billions of dollars of oil revenues to buy weapons and pursue their deadly ambitions. Our allies in the region would be under greater siege by the enemies of freedom. Early movements toward democracy in the region would be violently reversed. This scenario would be a disaster for the people of the Middle East, a danger to our friends and allies, and a direct threat to American peace and security. This is what the extremists plan. For the sake of our own security, we’ll pursue our enemies, we’ll persevere and we will prevail.”

Even for me, that’s quite a barrage of threats and fear. I should relax a minute and be thankful we understand what history is demanding. We have momentum, thanks to The Surge. Look at Anbar Province. We thought we’d lost it to the terrorists. But now many “local Sunnis are turning against Al Qaeda…(and) are rejoining the political process…(In July) provincial officials reopened parts of the war-damaged government center with the help of one of our provincial reconstruction teams. Similar scenes are taking place all across Anbar.”

I’m so damn excited by Anbar Province that I’m already wiping lather from my smooth face and am headed there now. Weren’t those troops surprised when I popped in September third? They loved seeing their commander-in-chief. Look at that picture of me, left index finger pointed straight up as I lecture surrounding troops who either smile or gaze at me as if I were a rock star or Jesus Christ. I had this message: “For all the differences over the war, we can agree on what’s working. And we can agree that continuing this progress is vital…in meeting the strategic interests of our nation. It’s vital…that we work to bring America together behind a common vision for a more stable and more peaceful Middle East.”

Pretty soon it’s going to be vital for me to start proclaiming that the “central front on the war on terrorism” isn’t really Iraq, it’s Iran. And, by God, you know what that means.

This entry was posted in Al Qaeda, George W. Bush, Iraq, Middle East.