I was the greatest and will be again. Don’t deny I can do it. I’m drinking Klitschko Kool-Aid secretly provided by Wladimir’s diabolical team of scientists who will only let me partake until I’m at my former peak, and no higher. That would be in 1967 when I was the prettiest and fastest heavyweight who ever lived, and now I’m almost there again.
I’ve got to do something. Some people are trying to destroy my legacy. They’re saying I primarily fought little guys and make a big deal that at age twenty-one I had a close fight with talented but smaller Doug Jones. Listen, every guy who ever fought had some tough nights. Klitschko at twenty-two was stopped by Ross Puritty, a bum who had thirteen loses. You think Ross Puritty would’ve done that to me? When I was the same age I beat Sonny Liston, made him quit, and became heavyweight champion of the world. Next to me Sonny was the baddest man on earth and would’ve sent China-chin Klitschko to dreamland.
So what’s with these white fans disrespecting me and claiming Wladimir Klitschko is the greatest in history? I still think many of them are mad at me for busting up so many white fighters. That’s not being racial. That’s a fact. I had a hundred wars but was never really pressed by any white. Who? People shout that Henry Cooper knocked me down our first fight. The guy had a good left hook but I got right up and busted him up the next round and split him open our next fight.
That’s the problem, isn’t it, along with saying I wouldn’t go to Vietnam to kill people who’d never called me nigger? Twice I played with great white hope Jerry Quarry, who like Cooper was just too small, and finished him with ease. A big white hope, Joe Bugner, went the distance with me two times but he couldn’t hit and I dominated him. You may not like it, but only the brothers challenged me. Joe Frazier even beat me once, though I reversed that twice, once by technical knockout. Ken Norton also beat me once, and Earnie Shavers right-handed me onto queer street before I pounded him in the fifteenth and won the decision. Look me in the eye and say Wladimir Klitschko would still be standing after eating a bunch of right hands from Shavers. And tell me Klitschko would’ve knocked out big George Foreman.
Listen, I’m not disrespecting anyone. I understood Frazier, Norton, and Foreman were very dangerous. And I know the same about Wladimir Klitschko. He’s one of the best ever and I’m happy a white man’s gotten so good. That’s why I’m training hard. I want to be ready. I just hope they don’t give him more Klitschko Kool-Aid than I get.