Come on, now. Be honest. Amy Coney Barrett’s pretty hot, isn’t she? Two years ago I couldn’t tell during the interview because she had some pink eye infection and wore dark glasses and we just didn’t connect and I wanted Brett Kavanaugh then, anyway. Being farsighted, I told her supporters to relax, I’d soon have the best spot for her – replacing radical Ruth Bader Ginsberg. I’m always right on the big issues and most other stuff.
Listen, we’ve got to hurry and get her through Senate confirmation hearings and wrap this up a couple of weeks before the election. That way we’ll have six conservatives to three libs on the Supreme Court and my evangelical base is going to be thrilled I’ve given them a very religious woman. I can’t swear she talks in tongues but she belongs to a Pentecostal group, People of Praise, who get pretty wild during services, and I think that’s great. They also believe that husbands should be in charge of the home. I bet Amy exercises plenty of authority, too. She and her attorney husband Jesse Barrett have seven children, two adopted from Haiti, which is a tough place.
Everyone knows Amy is very talented. She finished first in her class at Notre Dame Law School and a few times has been voted professor of the year there. She teaches a lot of really heavy classes and commutes almost two hours each way to Chicago to serve on the United States Court of Appeals. Her work as a judge has been phenomenal. She’s against Obamacare, wants to “hollow out Roe v. Wade” so states can make it tough to get abortions, and she believes felons should be able to carry guns as long as they’re nonviolent felons. I don’t get into technical stuff but aides tell me Amy “looks strictly at the text of the Constitution” and tries to figure out the original intent of the framers, and those were some really smart guys.
Today I’m the sharpest guy around and would like to present the imminent Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett.