I still think liberals may be scheming with the Chinese to blame the coronavirus on President Trump but since he seems to be taking it pretty serious now I guess I better try to do the same. But I’m only going so far.
No way am I staying home when a kickass movie’s playing or professional wrestling comes to town or a great country concert plays here or I’m invited to a party where I know there’ll be some single babes or even married ones looking for someone else. I guess I don’t mind they’re closing some schools since I’m not a student and my three kids and ex-old-lady live in another state.
What pisses me off is those panicking lefties who’re buying up all the good stuff at the markets. Everywhere I go they don’t have any toilet paper or kleenex or hand sanitizer. How the hell’s that supposed to work? I can’t even find rice and beans, which are about the only things I can cook, and I can’t afford fast food three times a day. They don’t even have water anymore. I knew I should’ve installed that water filter instead of giving it to a buddy for his birthday.
“Ma’am,” I say to a pretty little checker, “shouldn’t you guys be limiting people to how much they can buy. I’ve seen videos of three fat ladies fighting over toilet paper and lots of people huffing out the market pushing one overflowing cart and pulling another.”
“You’re right, sir. From now on we’re limiting each customer to five gallons of water. Didn’t you see the signs we posted.”
“Only saw all those empty shelves.”
“Keep checking back every day,” she says.
“Like that’s all I’ve got to do.”
I’ve got plenty of responsibilities pounding nails on construction sites and running errands for my old father who always wants more water. A couple of weeks ago, when it was still available, I couldn’t just walk into his assisted living facility because they started keeping the door locked. Next time I visited they took my name and temperature before they let me in. He just called a little while ago and said now they’re not letting anyone in but that I can drop off water with aides if I can find it. That may be a spell.