Nancy Pelosi is a terrible person who hates our country. That’s probably why I didn’t shake her sticky hand before my State of the Union speech but maybe I just didn’t see her. Either way, she didn’t deserve my attention. Remember, last year she tried to keep me from delivering my annual address to the nation and would have done so this year if I didn’t have the overwhelming support of our great citizens. Nancy and her deranged Democrat allies need to get real. My approval rating’s at its highest ever – forty-nine percent, three points better than faltering Barack Obama at the same stage of his first administration. Go ahead, Nancy, grimace and misbehave while I’m speaking to people who’re on their feet and clapping, and after my triumph rip up your copy of my speech. You might as well be tearing up the Constitution, a document all real Americans hold sacred.
I actually feel sorry for the Democrats. They couldn’t even count a small number of votes in the Iowa caucus. That proves they’re incompetent and also means they really didn’t want to know results that had to be bad news. Well, maybe they’re happy that Creepy Joe Biden finished fourth and will soon be finished. But look who won, Crazy Bernie Sanders, a raving socialist who looks like he went to school with Karl Marx, and Pete Buttigieg, the punk mayor of South Bend who’s mismanaging that wonderful little city. I’m producing jobs for blacks while blacks in his community denounce him. Neither of these runts stands a chance against me. And look who took third place, Uber Left Warren, who’s been falling faster than a skydiver and is a certifiable dork.
Give me five more years, baby, at least that many.