I don’t care if I lose the election. It doesn’t matter if my traitorous enemies frame me for corruption. I care only for Israel. I could have retired years ago. I’m running again only because I’ve been prime minister ten straight glorious years during which Israel has grown and gotten stronger in order to survive amid, let us be frank, a partially-civilized band of non-nations that explicitly seek the annihilation of Israel.
I’m the only one who can save us. My special relationship with President Trump has already allowed me to officially add the Golan Heights to our nation, and I swear if you give me the mandate, if you reelect me as your leader, I will annex the Jordan Valley. That’s right. Without equivocation I will simply decree that one-third of the already occupied and dismembered West Bank is ours. And soon enough we’ll build settlements throughout the region everyone will call Judea and Samaria.
Weaklings may protest I’m breaking international law and further oppressing several million Palestinians. None of that matters. What’s essential is that I continue as protector of my people, who, when I do some more annexing, will be a minority in greater Israel, a Jewish state nonetheless.