Donald Trump squeezes his Oval Office phone and calls secret service agents, ordering them to ready several black beasts for an executive motorcade to nearby Baltimore. After entering the city limits they begin passing old buildings marred by broken or boarded windows and piles of trash outside.
“Look how they live,” says Trump. “Disgusting. Get me Rep. Elijah Cummings.”
The call is placed. Cummings answers.
“This is President Trump. Meet me in your disaster zone in ten minutes.”
“I’m dealing with a personal emergency here at home,” says Cummings. “You come here.”
Cummings reveals the address and Trump shoots it to his driver who conveys the destination to drivers of the other beasts. In a better part of town, they pull behind three police cars parked in front of a three-story brick residence connected to a row of similar residences.
Trump rolls down the window and to a police officer says, “You must be busting Cummings. What’d he do?”
“He was robbed.”
“You think he’s armed?”
“He better not be. We’re going in.”
Trump and his entourage walk into a first floor room where two detectives are interviewing Elijah Cummings.
“I’m real sorry to see you’ve been robbed, Rep. Cummings,” Trump says.
“I appreciate that, Mr. President.”
“I hate to see you and other citizens of Baltimore suffer in a rat and rodent infested hellhole. But that’s what happens when you and other liberals don’t do anything to create jobs and enforce the laws.”
“We’re living a lot better here in Baltimore than those poor Central American and Mexican children you’ve torn from their parents and crammed into concentration camps built for half as many. The children are sitting in their own feces. They can’t take a shower. What’s that all about?”
“Don’t play the brutal bully with me,” Trumps says. “The brave men and women of the border patrol should’ve arrested you when you questioned their humanity and dedication. You and the rest of your gang better keep in mind that the murder rate in Baltimore is higher now than in Guatemala, El Salvador, and Honduras.”
“We need more funding for jobs, education, housing, law enforcement, and so much more.”
Trump nods to an agent who pulls an electronic tablet from his blazer and summons a 1999 video of formidable young Rep. Cummings saying, “This is a drug infested area. Children I watched grow up are now walking around like zombies.”
“I’m glad you used to agree with me and hope we can work together soon,” Trump says.
“You must do something for these people.”
“I’ve been president of the whole country only two and a half years. You’ve represented Baltimore more than twenty years. What have you done?”
“I’ve done everything possible. Why don’t you help us instead of billionaires?”
“Don’t worry, Rep. Cummings. I’m going to keep creating unprecedented numbers of jobs for blacks and someday I’ll be a hero in Baltimore.”