I’m not only protecting you against invaders I’m battling enemies right here at home. One of the most dangerous is Jeff Bezos, a lousy businessman who needed lots of luck and cheating to amass a fortune of a hundred sixty billion and employ six hundred thousand people. The United States Postal Service subsidizes Bezos and Amazon, losing a buck-fifty a package for the millions delivered every year. That drives many fair retailers out of business and I’m going to stop it. I’m also tired of Amazon not paying its share of taxes on products sold over the internet. As you know, I’m a straight-up guy who always pays what he owes and will prove it when the IRS completes its audit of my finances and I release my tax records. That could be a while yet.
I’m so sorry to hear Jeff Bozo was taken down by National Enquirer reporting far more accurate than the fake news in his lobbyist Amazon Washington Post newspaper. It deserves a more responsible leader. Bozo’s been caught cheating on his wife. Don’t accuse me of getting caught. Broads are just making statements for money. I couldn’t stop AMI, which runs the National Enquirer, from paying Karen McDougal to keep quiet. And she didn’t stay silent long, anyway. A smooth operator knows how to avoid getting photographed with his pants down. Bozo not only dropped his drawers, he took a picture of his stuff. I’d never do that and you shouldn’t trust anyone who would.
Bozo also released what he calls a blackmail letter from AMI. It’s not that at all. AMI, in behalf of the National Enquirer, politely and very confidentially informed Bozo it not only had his dick pick but lots of other fun stuff like a photo of married girlfriend Lauren Sanchez sucking a cigar and Bezos in underpants with his dong hanging out. AMI wanted to help Bozo keep this private. He only had to say he has “no knowledge or basis for suggesting AMI’s coverage was politically motivated.” The National Enquirer is a truth seeker, and Bezos should have played ball. Instead, he tried to find out how these fine journalists acquired his pornographic photos. He’s a bad dude.