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State of the Trump

Look at those Democratic ladies dressed in white flags of surrender during my State of the Union address. They know I’ve given Americans their best wages in decades and an economy growing almost twice as fast as when I took office. Some say I inherited a good economy. Not as good as the one we’ve got now. Unemployment is the lowest in half a century and the lowest ever for African Americans and Hispanics. More women are working than any time in our history. Overall, we added three hundred four thousand jobs last month, almost double the number expected. It’s an economic miracle. And the only things that can stop it are needless wars and investigations. We have to choose between greatness or gridlock.

You’re too smart to try to slow me down. I’m a high energy guy and have led the United States to become the number one producer of oil and natural gas anywhere in the world. We need plenty of fuel for our military, the most powerful on earth by far. We’ll stay number one by outspending and out-innovating all other countries. America is winning again each and every day.

With me as your president we’re prepared to confront the urgent national crisis on our southern border where my expanded security measures are putting ruthless coyotes and cartels out of business. And I’m sending three thousand more troops to prepare for the onslaught Mexico’s causing by trucking Central American and other aliens to weak points on our border. Believe me, I want people to come into our country in the largest numbers ever, but they have to come here legally. Many who enter illegally commit really bad crimes. When my wall is built, and it will be built, those problems are going to stop. Ask our agents at the border.

I’m doing great things all over. Chinese theft of our intellectual property and our jobs has come to an end because my tariffs are working. The Russians are worried I recently withdrew from the Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty they were cheating on. I’m at the same time rebuilding America’s crumbling infrastructure and bringing down the cost of prescription drugs. I’m on your side against big drugs companies. I’m also battling HIV and childhood cancer and working to get nationwide paid family leave. This is all for free people who understand America will never be a socialist country.

You can relax about North Korea and ignore fake reports that Kim Jong Un is continuing to develop more and better nuclear weapons. That’s ridiculous. He’s not even test-firing missiles or exploding nuclear bombs like he was until I got tough. My relationship with Chairman Kim is a good one. If I hadn’t been elected president, in my opinion we would be in a major war with North Korea right know. Instead, Kim and I will hold our second meeting in about three weeks in Vietnam.

I’m also going to clean things up in the Middle East. We’ve been fighting in Afghanistan and Iraq for almost twenty years. Great nations do not fight endless wars, especially when I’m the leader of the most powerful nation. I know the Taliban is even more tired of war than we are. My counter terrorism efforts will force them to behave in the forty percent of the country they control and deter them from trying to expand until after we leave.

Our most dangerous enemy is the radical regime in Iran. Thank goodness I withdrew from the disastrous Iran nuclear deal. We will not avert our eyes from a nation that chants “Death to America” and is dedicated to the destruction of Israel. The Iranians may not have any nuclear weapons now but I know they’d like to have them. It’s my duty to punish them for even wishing.

God bless you, and God bless America.

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