I’m up early because I couldn’t sleep last night after Sean Hannity shined my butt at an election rally and now my tweeter’s hotter than ever telling patriots this Republican candidate’s great and that one’s wonderful and those others are important and it’s vital to get out and vote because my name is really the only one on the ballot.
I know I’m not going to lose the Senate. The economy’s way too strong for that. Jobs are up and unemployment’s down. Right? Sure, they are. No way I lose the Senate. But the House worries me. I think we’ll win it, of course. The fake polls, the same ones that two years ago said I had no chance to win, are claiming the Democrats are probably going to retake the House and then try to impeach me. I’m preventing that disaster by tweeting “law enforcement has been strongly notified to watch closely for ILLEGAL VOTING.” Thank God, as long as we hold the Senate, we’ll have the power to prevent the crazies from destroying this great nation.
You know they want to roll that caravan of Central American illegals right into our country and register them to vote. My troops at the border won’t let them in. We need people who understand and appreciate that I’ve built the greatest economy ever. I’ve also scared hell out of Kim Jong Un and made him renounce nuclear weapons, and I’ve broken the horrible nuclear deal with Iran and am now intensifying sanctions and taking away their oil money used to finance terrorism, and I’ve cancelled an intermediate ballistic missile treaty with Russia and continue to be tougher on Putin than anyone, and I’m defending our economic rights against the very unfair Chinese and Canadians and Europeans who’ve so long taken advantage of us.
Don’t worry. My tax cuts are fueling the economy and will keep it great forever. The only things that can screw things up, in addition to illegals, are excessive health care and social security expenditures. We can’t afford entitlements. We must instead have a growing military and my powerful leadership. Get out and vote Republican.