Democrats who’ve been smoking bongs sometimes ask if I’m President John Kennedy. No, I say, I’m Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana, a righteous and God-fearing Republican, and I want you Demos to sober up and admit that no amount of FBI investigation of Judge Brett Kavanaugh will ever satisfy you. I don’t think some of you were even breast fed, you just started eating raw meat.
Open your eyes, the FBI’s supplementary investigation is in. Right now we’re not going to confuse people by showing them the full report but I guarantee you that Kavanaugh’s buddy Mark Judge and Christine Blasey Ford’s friend Leland Keyser still say they don’t know anything about the party where Kavanaugh allegedly assaulted Ford while Judge watched and laughed. Meanwhile, Keyser supposedly sat downstairs.
At this point I’m sure the three fence-sitting Republicans are going to vote to confirm. Flaky Jeff Flake of Arizona says no new corroborative information came out, and Susan Collins of Maine says the FBI appears to have provided a very helpful investigation. Lisa Murkowski must be roaming the Alaskan wilderness and still hasn’t read the report but when she does she’ll come around.
The chairman of the Judiciary Committee, Chuck Grassley of Iowa, says what everyone surely understands: “There’s nothing in the report we didn’t already know. These uncorroborated accusations have been unequivocally and repeatedly rejected by Judge Kavanaugh, and the FBI could not locate any third parties who can attest to any of the allegations.”
Democrats are alleging the latest investigation was shallow and hurried. Put down your bongs. It’s time to vote.