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Vladimir Putin’s PuppyFacebooktwittergoogle_pluslinkedinmail

Smiling big and happy Vladimir Putin, leash in hand, leads Donald Trump, tongue wagging, onto the small stage in Helsinki, bends to unhook the choke chain around his neck, puts a treat in his mouth, and says, “Go stand behind that podium, Donald.”

Trump complies, panting, and looks at his master, who says, “Good boy. Speak.”

“Until four hours ago and my great conversation with President Putin, Russian-American relations were never worse and that includes during the Soviet blockade of Berlin in 1948 and the 1962 Cuban Missile Crisis,” says The Donald. “I knew he was a great man and believed him with all my heart when he told me ‘that the Russian state has never interfered and is not going to interfere’ in internal American affairs. Why would the Russians do that? We talked about this a great deal, and he may want to address it because he feels very strongly and has a fascinating idea.”

Putin speaks about a variety of issues before reporter Jeff Mason of Reuters says, “President Trump, you tweeted this morning that’s it’s U.S. foolishness, stupidity, and the Mueller probe that is responsible for the decline in U.S. relations with Russia. Do you hold Russia at all accountable for anything in particular? And if so, what would you consider them responsible for?”

“I hold both countries responsible. I think the United States has been foolish. We’ve all been foolish. We should’ve had this dialogue long ago, years before I got to office. Now that President Putin and I have talked, our countries have a chance to do some great things, like stopping nuclear proliferation. That’s why the Mueller probe is a disaster. The United States and Russia control ninety percent of the nuclear weapons in the world. We don’t want that critical issue undermined by some silly, unproven allegations about collusion. There was no collusion. We ran a brilliant campaign and that’s why I’m in office.”

Putin, who’s been smiling most of the time, suppresses his grin to say, “We should be guided by facts. You can’t name a single fact that definitively proves there was collusion. This is utter nonsense. It would’ve been even more nonsensical if I hadn’t hoped that Donald Trump would defeat Hillary Clinton. Candidate Trump repeatedly said he wanted to restore U.S.-Russian relations. I was naturally sympathetic toward the one who wanted to work with us rather than a warmonger like Crooked Hillary.

“I have nothing to conceal. As former head of the KGB, I always advocate transparency. In fact, I’d like to permit official representatives of the United States, including members of the Mueller probe, to come to Russia and be present when our legal experts question our twelve intelligence officers recently charged with interfering in the U.S. presidential election. But there would be another condition, one of mutuality. We would expect the Americans to reciprocate by questioning law enforcement officials and intelligence services of their country, whom we suspect have been responsible for illegal activities in Russia. Naturally, we request the presence of our law enforcement.”

“That’s a marvelous idea, President Putin.”

“Thank you, Donald. For instance, we want to ask you about Bill Browder and his business associates who earned over a billion and a half dollars in Russia and didn’t pay any taxes.”

“I never pay any taxes, either.”

“Not now, Donald. Browder and his gang never paid their taxes anywhere, yet they escaped and later contributed four hundred million dollars to the campaign of Hillary Clinton. We have solid reason to believe that some U.S. intelligence officers accompanied and guided these transactions.”

An AP reporter stands and says, “President Trump, just now, President Putin denied having anything to do with the election interference in 2016. Every U.S. intelligence agency has concluded that Russia did interfere. I’d like to ask, who do you believe? And with the whole world watching, would you denounce President Putin for what happened in 2016 and ask him not to do it again?”

“I just wonder why the FBI never took Crooked Hillary’s server. Whey hasn’t someone taken the server? I’ve been tweeting that for months. Where is the server? I want to know where is the server and what is the server saying? Where the hell are Hillary’s thirty-three thousand emails? I’m not worried about President Putin. He isn’t after my ass, but the FBI and Robert Mueller and Hillary Clinton sure are.”

“King Donald” by George Thomas Clark

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This entry was posted in Donald Trump, FBI, Hillary Clinton, Robert Mueller, Vladimir Putin.