I’ve come to Minnesota to get away from this border hassle. Don’t lecture me about kids. I’ve got five and they’re all really great, especially Ivanka. I’m concerned about kids everywhere. That’s my job as most powerful hombre in the world. All along I’ve been worried about kids getting split up from their parents on our southern border. That isn’t our fault. We’ve got to have zero tolerance for illegally entering the United States. Finally, with me in office, we’re securing the border and promoting law and order, and I wanted Congress to fix the problem with the kids. But you know how slow and inept Congress is. On TV I kept seeing all the suffering at the border, and hearing about it from Ivanka and Melania, so decided to step in. My large signature on an executive order now prevents families from being torn apart. They’ll be housed in the same place. We’ll still be tough defending the border. We’re building my wall in lots of places. Must be liberals who say we’re only repairing existing structures near San Diego. These fat and poorly educated Minnesotans before me tonight know my wall is a symbol: if people come from shithole countries, the United States isn’t obligated to solve their problems. We’d like to but we can’t really solve our own problems. My weak predecessors left piles of them. We’ll be fine if people vote right in November.