No, wise guy, I’m not sitting on the can but an executive chair at a presidential table in the White House and am appropriately stern but proud as I sign the Presidential Memorandum announcing the United States will violate the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action in order to prevent Iran, the most terroristic nation on earth, from continuing its rapid development of nuclear weapons. I don’t care the International Atomic Energy Agency and its inspectors have ten times said Iran is in compliance with the agreement. The agreement is defective to its core. It doesn’t matter I haven’t had a chance to read it. My instincts tell me other signatories, all pipsqueak nations compared to us, made a huge mistake.
I’m not against the Iranian people. I’m for them. Maybe by resuming tight-ass sanctions we’ll be able to topple the theocracy that oppresses them. England, France, and Germany don’t understand that by “staying committed” to this dangerous deal they’re helping our enemies acquire the most destructive weapons, which they’re philosophically and racially unqualified to handle. I’m ready to negotiate a new and much better deal, one that more tightly restricts nuclear activities and also forces the Iranians to limit or eliminate ballistic missiles, which would carry nuclear weapons, and tie future sanctions relief to their stopping terrorism. I’ve got to compel them to behave. I’m a patient man, despite what political adversaries shout, and am ready to give sanctions and diplomacy a reasonable shot. I’d rather not attack, but my national security adviser John Bolton says we could fairly easily destroy key nuclear facilities in Iran and there wouldn’t be that many consequences. I know, he and George W. Bush and Dick Cheney and others said the same thing about Iraq in 2003. But this is 2018 and I, Donald J. Trump, am president of the United States.
People fear and respect me. They know I’ll kick ‘em in the balls. Just listen to Barack Obama now calling me “misguided” and claiming that my “flouting of agreements… erodes American credibility… (and) puts us at odds” with other major powers. What a wuss. We’re the ultimate power. Russia and China don’t have our economy or military. Neither do those tiny European nations who still want appease Iran. Sometimes you’ve got to be tough. I beat all my opponents because I pounded them. You all saw it. I do what’s needed and don’t care if we lose some business in Iran because of this. Let Russia and China have it. They also signed the devil’s deal. I’m tearing it up.