On the recent Saturday when a few million citizens, many quite young, gathered to protest gun violence in scores of cities and towns from Washington, D.C. to Los Angeles, I boosted several of my Facebook links to stories I’d written about guns and war. These promotions attracted many new readers who, by demographic selection, I’d tried to ensure would be liberal and educated. Alas, the tactic didn’t work. Many people on the right seem supernaturally aware of every contrary opinion about firearms and state aggression.
In a story titled “NRA Praises AR-15 Rifle,” I criticized the National Rifle Association for saying not a word about the slaughter at the high school in Parkland, Florida, and instead re-posting an old and oafish article, by the NRA.org editor, about what a wonderful creation is the AR-15.
Reader A commented these rifles “are awesome.”
But they’re too “powerful,” I commented.
“Powerful, are you kidding? It’s a hopped up .22.”
It’s hopped up enough to kill seventeen and wound fourteen during six minutes and twenty seconds that survivor Emma Gonzalez riveted with silence during the D.C. demonstration.
“The founding fathers would have the citizens have exactly the same arms as the standing army, nothing less,” typed B.
“Tanks, bazookas, artillery, jets, and nuclear weapons in the hands of the militia,” I replied, refuting an asinine premise.
“You are a media-manipulated ‘citizen’ who doesn’t realize the danger he is putting us all in,” C proclaimed.
I’m not putting anyone in danger. I simply stated AR-15s are designed to kill, and military-style weapons don’t belong in the unsure hands of citizens.
“Anyone who blames an inanimate object for what a human does is an idiot,” D opined. “I stand with the NRA always.”
Let’s concede almost everyone is sometimes an idiot. It’s therefore reasonable to ban the most destructive weapons.
The macho gunners also pounced on my satirical story “Trump Interviews John Bolton.” The latter is a warmonger who advocates preemptive strikes in North Korea and Iran, and helped manufacture “fake” evidence that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction, and therefore should be attacked. Apart from Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un, Bolton, the president’s new national security adviser, is the most dangerous man on earth.
“You sound like a chicken shit,” E charged. And, checking back in, he added, “Those who fear all war or conflict are doomed to experience it! That’s chicken shit.”
I finally received rhetorical help from F who wrote, “There is a difference in being chicken shit and stupid, sadly we have a president who is both.”
Guns and war guys kept unloading tough words.
“The North Korean regime is a hazard but because now we have a president who isn’t taking (Kim’s) shit, the left is crying,” G explained.
Reader H also readied for battle, writing, “Trump would never attack, only defend. Stop being whiny ass pussies. Obama took it up the ass. Guess liberals like that. We got a president with balls. That puts fear in our enemy.”
I’d like to thank assault-weapons lovers and preemptive strikers for their profound insights.