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Look at Paul Ryan trying so hard not to smile, in his seat behind me, as he thanks Heaven he no longer has to frown throughout a State of the Union speech by Barack Obama. Like all true citizens, Ryan knows under my leadership our country is enjoying a “new tide of optimism… incredible progress and… extraordinary success.” I can’t take all the credit, though. “No people on Earth are so fearless or daring or determined as Americans… And together we’re building a safe, strong, and proud America.” Before I moved into the White House, we were pitiful and weak.

Since my election only one year ago, “we have created two point four million new jobs… Unemployment claims have hit a forty-five-year low. African-American unemployment stands at the lowest rate ever recorded, and Hispanic American employment has also reached the lowest levels in history.” Gentlemen, and ladies, even my enemies must admit I keep leading us to unprecedented achievements. “Small business confidence is at an all-time high. The stock market has smashed one record after another, gaining eight trillion dollars in value… And as I promised… we enacted the biggest tax cuts and reforms in American history.” These changes do not favor the rich. “We eliminated an especially cruel tax that fell mostly on Americans making less than fifty thousand dollars a year – forcing them to pay tremendous penalties simply because they could not afford government-ordered health plans.” Furthermore, “we repealed the core of disastrous Obamacare.”

My tax cuts will be incredibly helpful for a long time. “Apple has just announced it plans to invest a total of three hundred fifty billion dollars in America, and hire another twenty thousand workers… There has never been a better time to start living the American Dream.” If you work hard and do as I say, we can achieve anything. “Together, we are rediscovering the American way… faith and family, not government and bureaucracy, are the center of the American life. Our motto is ‘in God we trust.’” That almost brings me to tears since I’ve always been among the most devout men.

How is it that my approval rating is still less than forty percent? Liberals in the media lie about me every day, but I return fire with devastating tweets. Our foreign enemies can expect no less since I demand “trading relationships to be fair and reciprocal… The era of economic surrender is over.”

The era of immigration surrender has also ended. I love immigrants but “for decades open borders have allowed drugs and gangs to pour into our most vulnerable communities. They have allowed millions of low-wage workers to compete for jobs and wages against the poorest Americans. Most tragically,” these illegal aliens have done a lot of murdering and raping. “Right here tonight are two fathers and two mothers” whose daughters were butchered by savage members of the MS-13 gang. Many of these criminals “took advantage of glaring loopholes in our laws to enter the country as unaccompanied alien minors.”

We are proud that we help more people from garbage-dump countries than anyone else, but “my constant concern is for America’s children.” I must protect them and all our citizens. I can do that and at the same time allow Dreamers of good character, who were brought here as minors, to some day become citizens of the United States. But believe me, we’re going to build my wall along the Mexican border. And we’re going to get rid of the visa lottery and stop bringing in ignoramuses who have no job skills. We must move “toward a merit-based immigration system.” At the same time we’re going to break chain migration and eliminate the hordes of distant relatives “a single immigrant can bring in.” Compassionately, we will offer “sponsorships to spouses and minor children.”

As we recover at home from damage inflicted by the meek and incompetent president who preceded me, we must at the same time teach enemies abroad that we’re no longer a nation of whiners and losers. Rogue regimes and terrorist groups will be our first students. Russia and China, who challenge “our interests (and) our values,” must also learn that I “know weakness is the surest path to conflict and unmatched power is the surest means of our defense.”

Clearly, we must spend much more than six hundred billion dollars a year on defense. We now outspend the next several countries combined, but that just isn’t enough. We must build more and better nuclear weapons. We must crush ISIS. We must everywhere imprison terrorists and those suspected of terrorism. We must expand our navy to prevent China from dominating its territorial waters. We must renege on our terrible nuclear deal with Iran. We must understand that concessions will only make the criminals in North Korea more aggressive. Look at the grieving parents of Otto Warmbier here tonight. For months he was tortured in North Korea and then released just before he died. Look at Ji Seong-ho holding high the crutches he must use because the North Koreans starved and maimed him. In order to defend ourselves, we must remember the sacrifices of our forefathers. We must be “proud of who we are and what we’re fighting for.” We must rejoice there is nothing we cannot achieve. And we must trust in our God who blesses America.

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This entry was posted in Barack Obama, China, Crime, Donald Trump, Immigration, Mexico, Nuclear Weapons, Paul Ryan, Russia, Terrorism, Trade.