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Kim Says Mellow Out

Hey, come on. Chill, it’s me, your rock-n-roll and roundball buddy on top here in the righteous Democratic People’s Republic of Korea saying everything’s okay and the only reason you’re panicking is because you lack precise and trustworthy news organizations. I don’t allow such things in my country but you should because right now your outlets are feeding you surgically distorted quotes wherein I ostensibly guarantee I’m going to unleash nuclear weapons to destroy you and South Korea and Japan and, inevitably, myself. That’s not so.

Here, let me refer you to a straight shooter called 38North.org. Read a few of its articles and you’ll wonder why your media is deceiving you across the political spectrum.

We didn’t say under no circumstances would we put the nukes and ballistic rockets on the negotiating table. We said essentially the opposite: “Unless the hostile policy and nuclear threat of the U.S. against the D.P.R.K. are fundamentally eliminated, we, under no circumstances, will put the nukes and ballistic rockets on the negotiating table and will not flinch even an inch away from our path of strengthening of the nuclear forces, which is chosen by ourselves.”

We didn’t say we were planning to strike a merciless blow. We said something quite different: “Should the U.S. dare to show even the slightest sign of attempt to remove our supreme leadership, we will strike a merciless blow.”

If you want us to consider dismantling our nuclear weapons program, quit threatening us with nuclear-armed planes and submarines and aircraft carriers. Stop trying to undermine my regime. Cease strangling us with sanctions. Quit staging joint military exercises, with our Korean brothers, that look like preludes to invasion. Remove your arrogant precondition that bilateral talks can’t take place unless we beforehand cede what you most want, removing the only deterrent that will spare my country from being trampled like Iraq and Libya.

And clean up your reporting about what my comrades and I are really saying.

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