I’ve been sworn into many positions of command, led marines all over the world, including in combat in Iraq, and am currently head of the of Department of Homeland Security in a capacity that compels me to warn that terrorism “is everywhere. It’s constant. It’s nonstop.” And it will continue, probably for generations. “If some people knew the truth they’d never leave home.” We’ve got to secure our borders and a major part of that process is building a vast wall on our border with Mexico. I expected completion within two years of President Trump taking office but progress has been hijacked by ignorant people. Today in the Oval Office I’m emphasizing threats, and President Trump’s even more worried and intense than usual.
“General Kelly, I need you to take over as my White House chief of staff,” he says, rising from the chair behind his desk.
“You do indeed, Mr. President, but I’m not going to involve myself in your quagmire of loud and undisciplined recruits. Furthermore, I still have much work to improve our security.”
“I’ll give you whatever you need in the White House.”
“I’d insist on complete control.”
“I’m still commander in chief, general.”
“Correct, and as such you need one person, and one alone, patrolling the entrance to the Oval Office.”
“That’s great,” Trump says. “Why don’t we swear you in today?”
“Let’s make sure you understand my terms. The new communications director can’t stay.”
“Even Ivanka and Jared Kushner, like all other GIs, would have to go through me to access you.”
“This edict also applies to Steve Bannon.”
“Sure, it applies to everyone.”
I stand and say, “Very well, sir. I’m ready.”
At the ceremony I proudly raise my right hand and later use it to shake the president’s before I lean over Anthony Scaramucci’s ear and say, “Meet me in my office within two minutes.”
When he arrives I stand and tell him, “Sit down.”
“General,” he says, “I’m so sorry about my comments last week, many of which were taken out of context or fabricated, but no matter, I swear I’ll keep my mouth zipped.”
Standing in front of him, I say, “Your comments have certainly been intolerable, Private Scaramucci, and are sufficient for me to court-martial you, but I’m even more concerned by your public boasts that you report directly to the president rather than his chief of staff.”
“I was only referring to Reince Preibus.”
“Whom you insulted and schemed against and were instrumental in removing.”
“I’d never do that to you.”
“Quite right you are.” I motion to rise.
The little fellow stands, and I pick up my phone and say, “Guards…
“I’m relieving you of your White House duties, Private Scaramucci, and you’re to leave the premises at once. Two of our finest former marines will march you out of here. Thank you for ten days of inspired duty.”
“You’re welcome, General Kelly. It’s been an honor.”