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How to Win Next YearFacebooktwittergoogle_pluslinkedinmail

Some fool behind me just lit up, and I spin to say, “Put that damn thing out.”

The old man blows smoke in my face and says, “I always enjoy a cigar when I win. That’s my prerogative in Boston and everywhere else.”

“Fifty years ago. Besides, you haven’t won anything tonight.”

“I see how we’re gonna win next year so am celebrating a little early.”

I point to the court and say, “Have you been watching? LeBron and Kyrie are on fire but still trail the Warriors by eleven at half.”

“They’re the best now but they’re also lucky. Early in the second quarter Cleveland took a forty-one to thirty-three lead on LeBron’s dunk and he got whacked across the forehead by Durant, who should’ve picked up his third foul. That would’ve sent him to the bench. Instead, Durant soon hits a three and so does Curry, and the Cavaliers start making turnovers they otherwise wouldn’t have, and Curry and Durant and Green keep scoring, and Iguodala dunks a couple of times and all of a sudden the Warriors lead by seventeen. Cleveland’s happy to be as close as it is.”

“Maybe the Cavs’ll get hot in the second half.”

“They probably will but it won’t be enough. Look at Klay Thompson, there’s a three, and a Durant jumper, and another Thompson three, and two more dunks and two threes by Iguodala, and a three and a dunk by Durant, and another dunk by Iguodala, who’s not even a starter, and a three by Curry, and I don’t care how many layups and jams LeBron has or how often Smith hits threes, this things’s over, one twenty-nine to one twenty, and the Warriors hoist the trophy.”

“That’s my primary point. The Warriors are too damn good.”

“Too good for these Cavaliers.”

“And way too good for your Celtics, who Cleveland destroyed in the conference finals.”

“Don’t call them my Celtics. They’re Danny Ainge’s Celtics.”

“Then who’re you going to make champions next year?”

“Red Auerbach’s team with Bill Russell, John Havlicek, and Sam Jones – the greatest winners in the history of sports.”

“Even if they were available, I don’t think they’d be enough in today’s NBA against this champion.”

“I disagree but won’t risk it, anyway. We’ll add LeBron to the mix.”

“You can’t get him.”

“I won’t have to. Russ, Havlicek, and Jones will sign with the Cavs for the minimum.”

“Why would hall of famers play for relative peanuts?”

“They want another title, and they want to be young again.”

“What about you?”

“I’ll be the red-haired coach and general manager.”

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This entry was posted in Basketball, Bill O'Reilly, Draymond Green, John Havlicek, Kevin Durant, Klay Thompson, Kyrie Irving, Lebron James, Red Auerbach, Sam Jones, Stephen Curry.