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Late last night in the private quarters of the White House, Donald Trump was tweeting about matters foreign and domestic when an aide entered the living room and said, “Richard Nixon’s calling again, Mr. President.”

Trump grimaced and picked up an old land-line receiver and said, “You’ve got two minutes, Dick.”

“Thanks for taking my call, Mr. President. I want you to know I’m prepared to counsel you about how to avoid this serious threat to your survival as commander in chief.”

“What threat? The American people love my strength, intelligence, and glamour.”

“Sir, millions of otherwise decent Americans think your dismissal of FBI director James Comey was very much like my firing of Watergate special prosecutor Archibald Cox.”

“I don’t see any similarities. Cox wanted you to release tapes that incriminated you in the Watergate burglary, so you fired him.”

“And Comey wants to prove you colluded with the Russians to defeat Hillary Clinton. Thankfully, your plot worked, but it’s put you in danger.”

“Listen, I didn’t have anything to do with Russian interference in our election, if there was any.”

“This call isn’t being taped, is it, Mr. President?”

“Of course not.”

“Good. Without those tapes, I’d have survived.”

“You were stupid to record yourself carrying on like that, and crazy not to destroy the tapes,” said Trump.

“In fairness, Mr. President, you’ve been caught on tape quite a few times.”

“When I was a swinging celebrity. I’m probably not going to be taping myself in the Oval Office.”

“You tweeted Comey better pray you don’t have any tapes of him. If you do, you’ll deliver the White House and Congress to the Democrats.”

“I appreciate your call, Dick, but I don’t need advice about criminal investigations.”

“That means I can focus on helping you with foreign policy, a subject I mastered and one in which you’re still rather green.”

“I have a great sense about what’s right and what’s needed. I also have top notch advisers like my son-in-law Jared Kushner and Secretary of State Rex Tillerson.”

“I’m sure Jared’s a fine young businessman, and Rex is a veteran oil executive, but they don’t have the knowledge and insight necessary to deal with Iran and North Korea.”

“I already know how I’m gonna deal with them.”


“I don’t broadcast when I’m gonna attack someone.”

“Aren’t you going to try diplomacy?” Nixon asked.

“You better not be recording this.”

This entry was posted in Donald Trump, FBI, Hillary Clinton, James Comey, Jared Kushner, Rex Tillerson, Watergate.