President Donald Trump arrived at a large medical clinic in your state this morning and immediately donned a green surgical gown and cap, scrubbed his hands ten minutes, and barged into a packed waiting room.
“Good morning, everybody,” he said. “I’m here to accept your thanks for repealing Obamacare and creating much better health care for all of you.”
“What about my diabetes?” shouted a woman.
“If your state allows coverage of preexisting conditions, you’ll be fine.”
“What if this state doesn’t?”
“Then you’ll have to pay higher premiums.”
“But you promised your program will offer much lower premiums than Obamacare.”
“It will,” said the president. “Don’t worry.
“I hadn’t been worried before since Obamacare covered all preexisting conditions.”
“Mr. President,” said an elderly man, “I need Medicaid to survive. Social security’s my only income, and I’ve got to have heart surgery. I qualify for Medicaid under Obamacare, but under your program a lot fewer will be eligible.”
“Sir, why are you only earning a little social security check every month? I make more than that every hour around the clock. In my program, the people who really need Medicaid will qualify for it. But we’ll be kicking freeloaders off the gravy train.”
“I worked in the fields and as a janitor to qualify for what I’ve got.”
“You should’ve also gone to college.”
“In 1950s Alabama?”
“They had Negro colleges.”
“Another thing, Mr. President,” the old man said. “Under Obamacare they can’t charge older people more than three times as much as young people. Under your plan, seniors can be charged five times as much.”
“Right, for a better program.”
“I like the program I’ve got and don’t want to lose it.”
“Believe me, Obama didn’t understand the needs of the people. That’s why he kept losing the Senate and the House and state governorships and legislatures. People hate Obamacare.”
“Most people I know like Obamacare.”
“The majority don’t like it, and the proof’s in the elections I just referred to. You, and this applies to all of you in this ghetto clinic, need to learn about taxes and especially about tax deductions. I’m proud to tell you, I don’t pay taxes.”
“When are you going to release your tax returns?” asked a middle-aged man.
“When the IRS completes its audit.”
“The IRS said you can release your taxes before the audit to is complete.”
“My accountants say no way.”
“I get the feeling you’ll never release your returns.”
“Get this bum outta here,” said Trump, jerking his thumb toward the exit. Three secret service agents responded.
The president fingered and admired his huge pink tie before continuing, “Don’t worry about my taxes. Worry about yours. Trumpcare will help. We’re offering tax advantages for Health Care Savings Accounts.”
“That doesn’t do me any good,” said the old heart patient. “I’ve always lived check to check.”
“I’ve got great news,” said Trump. “You can deduct the full cost of your health insurance premiums from your federal taxes each year. Obamacare only let you deduct medical expenses when they exceeded ten percent of your gross income.”
“I still need Medicaid.”
“Not after Trumpcare tax refunds fill you pockets.”