Dear President Trump,
I have to this point restrained myself from responding to your avalanche of falsehoods and insults but better speak now, in this letter I share with a public likely to suffer from your instability and that should know you’re a nonalcoholic version of witch-hunting Senator Joseph McCarthy, whose name still makes free people cringe.
Before leaving office, I refuted your pitiful attempts to deny my birthright as a native of the United States, and from the podium at the 2011 White House correspondents dinner delivered comedic counterstrokes leaving you speechless as you nodded your head like a bovine bigot. My fellow professional politicians, including the Republicans, could not then have imagined you would someday come to lead this country. Your ascendency – prelude to an inevitable crash – is an insult to those who understand and therefore oppose you but even more to blue collar workers you deluded into believing you care about them and know how to help.
In fact, Mr. President, you know little about working people – how could you, after a lifetime buffered by luxury? – and proved your contempt for them by refusing to pay the carpenters and other craftsmen who’d constructed a building to make you more money. Indeed, you despise the workers whose dirty hands and soiled work clothes you’d rather not look at or touch. You say I let them down. That is nonsense. I helped save the auto industry in America and presided over a range of economic measures that enabled our country to rise from the financial debacle awaiting me in 2009. You, by contrast, have eight years later inherited a steadily growing economy. You say I’ve left you a world of worries. I say you’re full of prune juice.
During the presidential campaign I did not wiretap you, or authorize anyone to do so, and you either know that or are a cable-conspiracy nerd incapable of forging fact-based thoughts. Let me help you understand a few basics about foreign policy. I’ll start with Syria, which you say I screwed up by not punishing President Bashar al-Assad for crossing my “red line” after he used chemical weapons. He had already killed two hundred thousand Syrians with conventional bombs and bullets and has since killed that many more. Lobbing a few dozen cruise missiles at him for gassing civilians is not necessarily bad policy – and perhaps I should also have done so – but it assuredly will not prevent Assad from continuing to kill thousands the old fashioned way.
You also berate me for not stopping Kim Jong-Un from developing and testing nuclear weapons and ballistic missiles. Okay, you now reside in the White House, and Kim’s behavior has become even more provocative. And what have you done? Nothing but talk. If you do much more, you may start or participate in starting a major war on the Korean Peninsula that will rapidly kill tens of thousands of civilians and soldiers.
And regarding Iran and its nuclear programs, you endlessly moan that I made the worst deal you’ve ever seen. In fact, Russia, France, China, England, Germany and other nations agreed with my administration that we would be safer signing the nuclear deal framework and thereby enabling ourselves to inspect Iranian facilities to ensure compliance. We’ll see what you do. I wish you luck. Please restrain yourself. Otherwise, the people of the United States are going to shout, “You’re fired.” By then, tragically, it will be too late.