This is bad, really bad. I just found out President Obama stooped so low he tapped my phones at Trump Tower during our very sacred election process. That’s Nixon and Watergate kind of stuff. Obama’s a sick guy.
What are my sources? Where’s my proof? Don’t worry, I’ll provide all that in good time, right along with my tax returns. Right now it’s more important for me to blast away on Twitter. It’s terrible what Obama did. Presidents aren’t supposed to sneak around and wiretap presidential candidates and bring back McCarthyism.
I’m going to get a lawyer, a team of lawyers to prove Obama illegally set A NEW LOW. I’ll get him impeached. I know he’s out of office, since I’m in his office, but I’ll get him impeached retroactively and overturn everything he did after he committed treason.
My political assistants are all good. True, I replaced campaign manager Paul Manafort but not because he had close business and personal ties to Ukrainian leader Viktor Yanukovych who was allied to my favorite leader, President Vladimir Putin. I let Manafort go because I knew Kellyanne Conway would be even better at standing between the liberal firing squad and my vital body.
And General Michael Flynn, he’s a great guy who gave his country three wonderful weeks as my national security advisor. Maybe he had some helpful conversations with Russian ambassador Sergey Kislyak about my being ready to get rid of sanctions. No big deal. If he’d told me at the time, maybe he’d still be here. Senator Jeff Sessions also talked to Kislyak. That was part of Jeff’s job in the Senate. I don’t know why during his confirmation hearing he denied talking to the Russians. But who cares? He was doing a great job for this country just as he will as attorney general.
And as the highest ranking legal official in the United States, and therefore the world, Jeff Sessions is going to investigate and prosecute and possibly jail the McCarthy-Nixonite Obama who spied on candidate Trump and undermined our holy democratic process. Bad, really bad.