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Streep Invades Trump TowerFacebooktwittergoogle_pluslinkedinmail

I sense tweeting and TV blasting won’t be sufficient so in a radical Hollywood jet I fly to New York and ride in a five-limousine caravan to Trump Tower where I exit and announce, “Meryl Streep to see President-elect Trump.”

“You aren’t really Meryl Streep, are you?” says a secret service agent.

“Indeed I am.”

“I didn’t realize you were so old.”

“I’m three years younger than The Donald. Please notify him I’m here.”

“Is he expecting you?”

“I don’t need an appointment.”

“We’ll see.” He nods to another agent who by a wireless device in his ear calls up into the Manhattan heavens.

“Okay,” says the agent, who squints looking for my wrinkles. “Step in the lobby so we can search you.”

“A strip search won’t be necessary, I hope.”

“Not on the ground floor, at least.”

I walk through a metal detector, take off my coat, open my purse, and undergo a light pat down before being led into an elevator. After a fast and rather exciting ride up I’m greeted by more agents who are pronouncing the rules when Donald J. Trump steps in and says, “Meryl, frankly, I didn’t expect to see your flabby, overrated ass around here. But you’ve got balls to visit like this.”

“That’s a crude remark,” I say.

“Come on in.”

Melania greets me in the living room and leads me to a sofa and then, along with everyone but her husband, leaves the room.

“Really, Meryl, I’m never supposed to be alone with anyone except my closest family members and advisors, but I trust you’ll refrain from physical violence. I’m not being naïve, am I?”

“No. I’m here for rhetorical violence.”

“Remember, I always dish out more than I take.”

“It’s pitiful that you, an amateurish game show host, impugned my unprecedented credentials as a thespian.”

“Well, you falsely accused me of publicly making fun of a disabled reporter.”

“Your performance is right there on the screen.”

“And you failed to understand I was alluding to one of the reporter’s very old articles. Now, regarding my assessment of your dramatic shortcomings, let’s remember that while you’ve been nominated for nineteen Oscars, you’ve only won three. That makes you a sixteen-time loser. I run for president once, and I win. I always win. If I’d been your director you mighta done a little better and won for The Deer Hunter, Silkwood, The Bridges of Madison County, and some of the others. I guess you were okay in winning for Sophie’s Choice.”

“I urge you to be honest with the American people.”

“I will. Their mandate was overwhelming.”

“You lost the popular vote by…”

“Yeah, yeah, you liberals will never get over that. I won what counted, and it would’ve counted for Hillary if she’d won.”

“I demand that you quit pretending the Mexicans are going to pay for your wall.”

“It’s our wall, and I guarantee they’ll pay, eventually.”

“Your assertion was always that they’d pay immediately.”

“I don’t recall explicitly saying that. They’ll pay, maybe taxes, trade adjustments, or impounded remittances. Whatever.”

“Right now Senator Jeff Sessions of Alabama is inevitably meeting serious opposition during his confirmation hearing for attorney general.”

“Believe me. He’ll be confirmed.”

“The man’s a racist.”

“How do you know?”

“His sympathy for the Ku Klux Klan, his suppression of black voters, the things he’s said over the years.”

“Those are liberal talking points. You don’t know what’s in his heart. He’s got the support of some prominent black legal officials in Alabama who know him far better than you. You’re used to reciting lines from fictional scripts, and you’re doing the same thing in politics.”

“You, sir, are the reciter of fables, and unworthy of being our president. It’s a fantasy to promise that you’ll create millions of good jobs by cutting taxes and increasing federal spending. Where’s the money coming from?”

“Meryl, I’m going to get a younger and hotter actress who’s also more dynamic. You’re fired.”

“The American people are going to fire you, and I sense that’ll happen in less than four years.”

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This entry was posted in Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Immigration, Jeff Sessions, Meryl Streep, Mexico, Movies.