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General Mattis Meets TrumpFacebooktwitterlinkedinmail

James Mattis, three years retired after more than four decades as a marine, shakes hands with Donald Trump.

“I’m very pleased to meet you, General.”

“A marine’s always honored to meet his commander.”

“I’ve heard you own seven thousand books. Is that true?”

“Yes, the longer I study war and history, the more I damage the enemy while limiting our losses.”

“I don’t read much, General, but I watch a lot of Fox News on TV.”

“That’s wonderful, Sir.”

“Instead of studying to prepare for this interview, I had one of my aides copy your best quotes from the internet and paste them on this paper. Can we please talk about some of the things you said?”

“Of course.”

“You said blowing ‘someone away is not an insignificant event’ but ‘there are some assholes in the world that just need to be shot.’ I agree.”

“Ultimately, that’s the role of our military. To kill as many assholes as possible.”

“I assume a man of your wide reading also believes in diplomacy.”

“I’ve always required my marines to read about the people they’ll be encountering. I want them to understand the foreigners’ culture and to smile and communicate with them. ‘Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet.’”

“I love your quote, ‘I’m going to plead with you, do not cross us. Because if you do, the survivors will write about what we do here for ten thousand years.’ You mean that literally, don’t you?”

“Absolutely. ‘There’s no better friend, no worse enemy than a U.S. Marine.’”

“I didn’t serve in the military, but I know I’d have been a helluva warrior.”

“You had some draft deferments, didn’t you, President Trump?”

“Yeah, but only four. Now’s my time to really kick ass.”

“You missed the party. ‘Actually it’s quite fun to fight… It’s a hell of a hoot. It’s fun to shoot some people… I like brawling… There’s nothing better than getting shot at and missed.’”

“I enjoy brawling, too.”

“Have you brawled much, Mr. President?”

“Not with guns or even fists, but with words, lots of words and insults like during the campaign. I outslugged all my opponents. Same in business. I’m congenial but when necessary I’ve always kicked ass.”

“That’s why you’re an extraordinary success.”

“General Mattis, I’d be proud if you served as my secretary of defense.”

“It’s an honor to accept your assignment.”

“I know you’ll be successful.”

“That’s guaranteed. Many times I’ve said, ‘I don’t lose any sleep at night over the potential for failure. I cannot even spell the word.’”

This entry was posted in Books, Department of Defense, Donald Trump, James Mattis, Marines.