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Secretary of State Rex TillersonFacebooktwittergoogle_pluslinkedinmail

Rex Tillerson rides a fast elevator to the world’s most vital place, the Trump Tower office of Donald J. Trump.

“Welcome, Rex.”

“I’m honored to be here, Mr. President.”

“Ever see anything this majestic?”

“Sure, I’ve been to the Krelim many times, but this place is awful nice, too.”

“That’s why you’re here. We need a secretary of state with the diplomatic chops to carry out my dynamic foreign policy, and I just didn’t feel General David Petraeus or Mitt Romney had the necessary experience or insight. My infallible gut tells me only the CEO of ExxonMobil can forge the deals we need to become prosperous and secure.”

“You mean I’ve already got the job?”

“Not yet, but you do have this interview as a result of strong recommendations from distinguished secretaries James Baker and Condoleezza Rice as well as Robert Gates, who did such a good job as secretary of defense for both George W. Bush and Barack Obama.”

“You want some oil rights, President Trump, just let me know. I’ve made deals for billions in more than fifty countries, Russia being my favorite and the most important.”

“What’s your take on Putin? I doubt he’s killed many more dissidents and journalists than lots of leaders we do business with.”

“Hell no. And I imagine those who got it deserved it. I like the guy. In 2013 he made sure I got the Order of Friends award in recognition of my efforts to improve the lives of Russians. I did that by profitably drilling for oil we knew about and finding oil no one had discovered. We could’ve gotten a lot more but President Obama and his clan established sanctions to punish Russia for simply taking care of neighborhood business and reclaiming the Crimea. That cost us billions and hurt our people as well as the Russians. Sanctions usually don’t work. I encourage you to use them infrequently, especially against oil-rich nations.”

“What would you say to Congress during your confirmation hearing? They may play rough.”

“I’ll tell them that wherever there’s a problem, I’ll rush right in, even faster than I did for ExxonMobil, and drill holes that’ll fill everyone’s pockets with oil.”

“What if there’s no oil?”

“We’ll find something else.”

“Your diplomatic IQ’s off the charts, Rex. You got the job.”

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This entry was posted in Donald Trump, Oil, Rex Tillerson, Russia, Vladamir Putin.