Archive for January 2016
Money in the Bank
There aren’t any good jobs in L.A., and I’m sick of work anyway. I don’t even want to sell drugs anymore. I’ve got a better plan. Two friends and I are going to knock off a bank in Bakersfield. It would be too tough in L.A. In Bakersfield we’re dealing with hicks. I figure we…
Read MoreFall of Pop
warriors bomb spurs lebron fires popovich
Read MoreThe Derringer
“I’m sorry to say, Mr. Jones, that we can’t hire you.” “Why? I’m an excellent candidate. Look at my history of selling heavy equipment. Have you checked my references and letters of recommendation?” “We have, but those factors have been overridden by a problem.” “What problem?” “You lied to us.” “I did not.” “According to…
Read MoreChapo Guzman Returns to Prison
“I’m in charge of Altiplano prison, Chapo, and didn’t come here because you asked. Or did you think you ordered me? Remember, the director who preceded me, and helped you escape, is locked in a nearby cell and will doubtless be incarcerated the rest of his life, as will you.” “Of course, comandante. I’m honored…
Read MoreMoonshine Sip
The moonshine, clear and innocuous as water, is offered in rustic form, in a jar. I inquire about its potency and Mike says: two hundred proof plus. That alarms me since tequila, an unforgiving force from the hallucinogenic mescal cactus, only packs eighty proof. Intrigued by the spirit of youthful experimentation, I sip a little,…
Read MoreHydrogen Man
I’m not short and pudgy. I’m taller and firmer than you think and in fact I’m a stud who watches professional basketball and lives like a god and beds any woman I want and the other night my current favorite swooned as I told her, “This morning I exploded a hydrogen bomb.” “Oh, Dear Leader.”…
Read MoreChapo Recaptured
okay the cabrones recaptured me and killed five amigos before taking me back to prison where i’d tunneled out and i asked for my old cell but you know cabrones they said i’d be somewhere else
Read MoreViolent Virgin Islands
Worn by cold weather and eternal gray days I leave Des Moines and move to the Virgin Islands where a friend from college tells me the weather’s always great except for high humidity and occasional hurricanes. I don’t worry much about climate. I just do what locals do. I like the Virgin Islands but better…
Read MoreBeer Binge
A lot of kids in high school mature much faster than I and at age sixteen are already six-month veterans of dating, drinking, and pot smoking, and quite ready to play the expert when I decide to try alcohol and ask what it feels like to get drunk. Everyone assures me it’s fun and to…
Read MoreLouie in Transition
I didn’t start out well, throwing a paperweight at my principal in second grade. Next year half the kids on the playground chased me for stealing a little girl’s necklace. I didn’t mind. I liked to fight. So did many kids in my neighborhood. A guy stabbed me when I was fourteen. I also fought…
Read MoreJail for Juvenile Felons
There’s a pretty picture on the postcard: San Francisco Bay provides a serene, blue backdrop for a hill with a group of shining buildings on it. The writing on the other side acknowledges the setting’s superficial beauty but offers a warning: San Quentin prison may look good on a postcard but is not a nice…
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