Ali Drinks Klitschko Kool-Aid

I was the greatest and will be again. Don’t deny I can do it. I’m drinking Klitschko Kool-Aid secretly provided by Wladimir’s diabolical team of scientists who will only let me partake until I’m at my former peak, and no higher. That would be in 1967 when I was the prettiest and fastest heavyweight who…

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The Final Round

I’m sick of being poor and living in a slum. I’m tired of being hungry. I want a nice house and car and good clothes and someday I want a family. I’m not going to get those things through school in Indonesia. There are too many students and I don’t like school much, anyway, and…

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Emails from Mayweather and Maidana

Late last night Floyd Mayweather and Marcos Maidana exchanged the following emails forwarded to me by confidential sources in each camp. From: Marcos Subject: Punishing Mayweather I know what you think and don’t care because it doesn’t matter I lost every round my first fight as a welterweight, against Devon Alexander, about two years ago.…

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Floyd Mayweather in Hot Tub

“Ladies, it’s a whole lot better being in this fancy hot tub in my Las Vegas mansion than in a sweaty arena, isn’t it?” “Yeees,” gushed all but one. “You should be there,” said a lovely young woman. “You need to prepare to fight the winner, who’s going to be Manny Pacquiao.” “Who’re you?” “I’m…

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Putin Writes Kerry

To John Kerry Secretary of State Dear Secretary Kerry, Worry not about the Russian army I don’t want to unleash but beware of me if you keep accusing us of agitating in eastern Ukraine. I may ultimately treat you like a gangly puppet on a loose string. Keep your bad breath out of our faces.…

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