Kerry Challenges Assad

We have unassailable evidence Bashar al-Assad gassed Syrian civilians in vile attempt to retain stranglehold on country. What we don’t have is war-winning military option. Americans don’t want to fight in Syria and neither do allies. It’s therefore incumbent on me, as decorated and oft-wounded warrior, to stand up and challenge Assad to hand-to-hand combat.…

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Assad Gas Company

Obama has red line between eyes that means I can use gas whenever. I don’t want to every day, only when I need to. Sometimes I need to gas children and other sleeping civilians who understand I must keep power. Only I am qualified to lead. Before I took over, only Father was fit. Syria…

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Slots

Sarah didn’t enjoy husband, family, or friends and had no interests save gambling and was happy to live near casino she rushed to three, four, five times weekly and pushed credit card into slots she played hours, stopping only to curse rigged system. She said this was best part of life so didn’t mind burning…

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Reunion

Sorry to hear about funeral but excited to read invitation list of friends long unseen who’ll be there. What memories: college, girlfriends, wives, businesses. We said we’d never lose touch but we did. Now for a little while we’ll be like we were. Then we’ll find out who dies.

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Courtside in Las Vegas

He’s the master of smooth jump shooting. He’s a shrewd passer and disruptive long-armed defender. He’s the player who hits shots when it matters. He’s Mr. Clutch, Jerry West, man in the NBA logo. He’s also the legend whose 1960s Los Angeles Lakers lose several times in the finals to the Boston Celtics of supernatural…

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Putin to Host Snowden

I shall be delighted to host freedom fighter Edward Snowden not only in Russia but in dacha. He’s brave young man to reveal American colossus, through NSA and other insidious organizations, is recording every conversation, email, and indeed every thought of every citizen in hyper-aggressive, homosexual-loving country. Those who call me intelligence-gobbling hypocrite, since I…

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