General Jerry Brown Promotes Executions

It is my ultimate honor as a warrior and patriot to campaign for governor of California in the manner of General Patton, wearing a three-star helmet, a pearl-handle pistol on each hip, and gleaming combat boots on my fast-moving feet. I am Jerry Brown 2010, and have banished the gubernatorial space cadet of the 1970’s…

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Oscar the Pig has a Feast

Generally, I am not a plaintive pig. For some fifteen years I have stoically lived – existed, really – in a dreary Calabasas canyon below the opulent home of my owners, who spend much of their time cavorting around the nation and the world. I don’t begrudge them their money, which, to my knowledge, they…

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Siege of Masada

I’m one of the least zealous of Jewish Zealots who’ve killed many Romans for attacking and forcing us out of Jerusalem and eventually onto this scorched rock plateau called Masada, leering down at the Dead Sea, in the Judean desert. I keep thinking I’m here about a century too late. Why can’t I be King…

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