Category Archives: Al Qaeda

Obama in Afghanistan

In cool darkness at this military base, just before incredible dawn, some of you are wondering why I, like Alexander the Great, am riding a white horse and waving a sword. I do so not to boast or campaign but tell you in sacred tones that my sword is the head of Osama bin Laden […]

Also posted in Afghanistan, Barack Obama, Campaign 2012, Middle East, Osama bin Laden, Pakistan, Terrorism

Obama’s Afghan Nightmare

I wish I could sleep better but feel almost awake hearing August 2011 was the deadliest month for our soldiers in our longest (but not bloodiest) war. It had to become our longest because during the 2008 campaign I proved I was as belligerent as opponents by vowing to escalate military operations in Afghanistan and […]

Also posted in Afghanistan, Barack Obama, Hamid Karzai, Richard Nixon, Taliban, Vietnam

Muammar Gaddafi on Fire

I’m not drugged. I’m taking medications to soothe my nerves and have for years. But many of our Libyan youths are drugged and now crazed followers of Jihadists and will have to be executed in accordance with Libyan law. My rule must be maintained or Libya will become an Al Qaeda base. I’m a bulwark […]

Also posted in Egypt, Hosni Mubarak, Israel, Libya, Middle East, Muammar Gaddafi, Terrorism

Obama Battles General McChrystal

I can’t decide what to wear. At first I think I better run up to my private quarters in the White House and put on gym shorts over a reinforced jock strap that might weaken kicks from the renegade mixed martial artist, General Stanley McChrystal. No, I decide such attire might be provocative. Still, I […]

Also posted in Afghanistan, Barack Obama, Stanley McChrystal, Terrorism

Historian Presents the Statistics of War

I bumbled by that smoking, manure-laden vehicle that didn’t explode in New York City last week and felt foolish I wasn’t the one who detected it and that I should have since I’ve spent my career analyzing wars but concede I’m only a historian, hiding in academia, who would’ve cringed at the sound of real […]

Also posted in Afghanistan, Alexander the Great, Iraq, Taliban, War, World War I, World War II

President Obama Stews over Afghanistan

I hope you sensed during the 2008 presidential campaign I didn’t want to pound my rhetorical chest but if I hadn’t done so and declared we’ve got to march more decisively into Afghanistan and destroy Al Qaeda, I couldn’t have proved I was a patriotic American rather than a pacifist and wouldn’t have been elected […]

Also posted in Afghanistan, Barack Obama, Pakistan, Taliban, Terrorism

President Obama’s Ultimatum to the Taliban

(Two days ago President Barack Obama sent an ultimatum to leaders of the Taliban in Afghanistan. We obtained this copy from a trustworthy source inside the White House.) To the Taliban, Given the decentralized, secretive, and chaotic nature of your leadership, I must address you as a group, and hope that your operatives will dutifully […]

Also posted in Afghanistan, Barack Obama, Taliban, Terrorism

Dick Cheney Still on Guard

I admire and respect our new president, Barack Obama, and am therefore willing to step up and explain, in a collegial way, that he’s a coward and traitor who will likely pull the United States of America into unspeakable disaster. Before you liberal weaklings and apathetic moderates order me back into retirement, understand that my […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, Terrorism

Taliban Leader Thanks President Bush and the Congress

Dear President Bush and the Congress of the United States, We are writing to you, the once omnipotent leaders of the United States, to thank you for making possible the restructuring, growth, and fatal effectiveness of the Taliban. Following the Al-Qaeda led and Taliban-abetted assault on your country seven years ago, you counterattacked Afghanistan with […]

Also posted in Afghanistan, George W. Bush, Pakistan, Taliban

President Bush Delighted after Five Years in Iraq

On this day five years ago I launched Operation Iraqi Freedom, a farsighted and generous commitment I knew would lead not merely to the liberation of Iraqis but oppressed people everywhere on earth. I can now state – as I incessantly have – what no one can creditably deny: we’re winning in Iraq. We’ve been […]

Also posted in George W. Bush, Iraq, Terrorism

Grand Speeches

I just slapped on my morning lather and slid a sharp new blade into the razor and, admiring my smug mug, am thinking about my recent speeches of such strategic importance. I love what my speechwriters give me because they’ve written the feelings and visions of the world’s most important man and a guy who […]

Also posted in George W. Bush, Iraq, Middle East

Straight Talk from Condoleezza Rice

Let me explain: counter-terrorism adviser Richard Clarke had many opportunities to tell us about his concerns during 2001, and he failed to do so. I stated that for the record and was later flabbergasted Clarke claimed he’d sent me an urgent memo on January 24, 2001, when I was National Security Adviser and responsible for […]

Also posted in CIA, Condoleezza Rice, George W. Bush, Terrorism

Dick Cheney Intensifies Attacks on Lamont and other Enemies

Many cowardly liberal isolationists are demanding I apologize for accusing Ned Lamont of helping “Al Qaeda types” realize their “bet they can ultimately break the will of the American people” and ruin our ability to “stay in the fight and complete the task.”  I shan’t take that back nor my trenchant comment that the Democratic […]

Also posted in Dick Cheney, Osama bin Laden

Fortress America and “The Long War”

We must all be thankful I am President of the United States. If a Democrat or lesser Republican were in office, we wouldn’t be so secure despite now facing threats more dangerous to this country than Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan combined. Be assured. I am preparing us very well for The Long War. We’re […]

Also posted in Afghanistan, George W. Bush, Iran, Iraq, Terrorism

Osama bin Laden Speaks to America

I have just amended my speech, and will at times speak to you spontaneously and from the heart. I must do so now for I do not have long. Examine my face, once described by women of the Middle East as handsome or cool, and you will see that I am not a healthy man. […]

Also posted in Osama bin Laden, Terrorism

President Bush Warns of More Destruction

Last week, stern and righteous, I looked into the teleprompter and pronounced: “Tonight I want to discuss a grave threat to peace; the threat comes from Iraq. It arises from the Iraqi drive toward an arsenal of terror. We’re concerned about the link between Iraq developing weapons of terror, and the wider war on terror. […]

Also posted in George W. Bush, Iraq, Terrorism