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Category Archives: Chapo Guzman

Chapo Guzman’s Guest

I don’t know where I am. Maybe New York. It doesn’t matter. I can’t see anything but frosted glass and can’t talk to other prisoners. I only get out of my cell an hour a day and sometimes am so lonely and depressed I almost enjoy it when guards call me shorty or cabrón or […]

Also posted in Cocaine, Donald Trump, Heroin, Immigration, Mexico

Chapo Guzman Returns to Prison

“I’m in charge of Altiplano prison, Chapo, and didn’t come here because you asked. Or did you think you ordered me? Remember, the director who preceded me, and helped you escape, is locked in a nearby cell and will doubtless be incarcerated the rest of his life, as will you.” “Of course, comandante. I’m honored […]

Also posted in Drugs, Mexico, Movies, Murder, Prisons

Chapo Recaptured

okay the cabrones recaptured me and killed five amigos before taking me back to prison where i’d tunneled out and i asked for my old cell but you know cabrones they said i’d be somewhere else

Also posted in Drugs, Mexico, Murder, Poetry - GTC

Chapo Discusses Great Escape

This is Chapo Guzman’s first interview since escaping from the Atiplano high security prison fifty-five miles from Mexico City. His representatives blindfolded and administered narcotics to an anonymous journalist before taking him/her to meet the man. Anonymous Journalist – Congratulations on your thrilling escape. Chapo Guzman – Those cocksuckers were loco to think they could […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Drugs, Mexico, Murder, Prisons

Chapo Guzman Escapes

I am at once humiliated and outraged that hypocritical Mexican officials have fired me as director of Altiplano prison in Mexico and loudly accused me of incompetence if not outright cooperation in the recent escape by celebrity mass murderer and narcotics trafficker Chapo Guzman. That is unfair. I am merely one decent man in a […]

Also posted in Drugs, Mexico, Murder, Prisons

Interview with Chapo

I’m a young reporter and delighted to be first to interview Chapo Guzman in his new cell at Altiplano, in the state of Mexico. I’ve met some celebrities but never such a big star. I imagine he must be pretty sad and discouraged living in a prison that has proven impregnable. Walls three feet thick […]

Also posted in Cocaine, Drugs, Mexico, Murder

Free Chapo Guzman

No one paid us. No one gave us food or alcohol. No one told us to march in the streets of Culiacan. We marched and carried signs with hundreds maybe thousands of others because we love Chapo Guzman and want him freed from prison immediately. Chapo is our hero. He creates jobs and gives money […]

Also posted in Cocaine, Drugs, Mexico, Murder

Chapo Guzman’s Five-Star Prison

You think I’m worried they captured me. Don’t be dumb. I let them take me. I’m tired of hiding in hovels in the Sierra or scurrying like a rat through city tunnels. I want the good life I’ve earned as a billionaire and one of the world’s most dangerous men. I want luxury and safety […]

Also posted in Drugs, Enrique Pena Nieto, Mexico, Murder

President Chapo Guzman

Come on. Admit it. You keep having to Google “new Mexican president” because you can’t remember Enrique Pena Nieto. He’s handsome but like generic model and smooth but so’s oily auto part. You know he represents old guard PRI that ruled dictatorially for decades, spoon feeding wealthy while ignoring poor. Trust me, Enrique Pena Nieto […]

Also posted in Cocaine, Crime, Drugs, Enrique Pena Nieto, Methamphetamine, Mexico, Murder