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Category Archives: Vladimir Putin

Putin Buries Liberalism

What great guy is Donald Trump. Finally, United States has president who understands trends of history. As new kind of candidate, Trump “saw changes in American society and took advantage of this.” He knew “Western liberalism is dying if not already dead.” Reason is simple: liberals “presuppose nothing needs to be done… Migrants can kill […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Japan, Russia

Putin Hosts Kim Jong Un

In Vladivostok, on cold east Russian shore of western Pacific, I greet President Kim, who traveled almost seven hundred miles in armored train. I hope someday he will have airplane so he can go places rapidly. This afternoon, at our summit meeting, flanked by interpreters, I smile and motion for Kim to please sit down. […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Iran, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Russia

Squeaky Clean President

You know from the beginning I’ve been shouting and tweeting: “No collusion, No obstruction, complete and total EXONERATON. KEEP AMERICA GREAT!” Phony Republican investigator Robert Mueller finally had to release his report and basically admit this is the most ridiculous thing in history. It’s a shame our country and your president had to go through […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Michael Cohen, Paul Manafort, Robert Mueller, Russia

Inside the Hanoi Summit

We’re sitting at a long polished wooden table decorated down the middle by small bouquets of flowers dividing Chairman Kim Jong Un and his staff from me and mine. I sense my brilliance and boldness will soon be needed. Eleven presidents who preceded me had sixty-five years to bring real peace to the Korean Peninsula […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Hanoi, Iran, Iraq, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Mike Pompeo, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Vietnam

Vladimir Digs Mohammed

at g20 summit putin thrills pariah mohammed bin salman with handshakes and smiles

Also posted in Argentina, Donald Trump, Mohammed bin Salman, Russia, Saudi Arabia

Trump on Election Day

I’m up early because I couldn’t sleep last night after Sean Hannity shined my butt at an election rally and now my tweeter’s hotter than ever telling patriots this Republican candidate’s great and that one’s wonderful and those others are important and it’s vital to get out and vote because my name is really the […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Economics, Employment, Fox News, Immigration, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Mexico, Russia, Sean Hannity

Joe Six Pack Reports

I’m excited looking at an email from Team Trump. They need our participation “because we’re close enough to change everything.” And we have to. “Illegal voting in the United States wreaks havoc with elections. Every election… it seems we rarely get our candidates elected.” Damn right “it’s time we do something about this.” Team Trump […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Donald Trump, Economics, Employment, George W. Bush, Guns, Immigration, Iran, Korea, Mexico, Michael Cohen, Nuclear Weapons, Robert Mueller, Russia, Stock Market

Trump Logic

trump claims in midterms russians will push hard for demos they definitely don’t want trump

Also posted in Donald Trump, Russia

Tough Trump

if diplomacy fails i’ll be putin’s worst nightmare unlike russian patsy obama

Also posted in Barack Obama, Donald Trump, NATO, Russia

Vladimir Putin’s Puppy

Smiling big and happy Vladimir Putin, leash in hand, leads Donald Trump, tongue wagging, onto the small stage in Helsinki, bends to unhook the choke chain around his neck, puts a treat in his mouth, and says, “Go stand behind that podium, Donald.” Trump complies, panting, and looks at his master, who says, “Good boy. […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, FBI, Hillary Clinton, Robert Mueller

Trump Turnberry

I love playing beautiful golf courses especially when they bear my name. Today I’m by the sea at Trump Turnberry in Scotland and ignoring orange-faced weirdos who’re jealous I’m the most powerful man in the world and just roughed up some of their Europeans leaders in Brussels. Today, I’m really having a great time. Turnberry’s […]

Also posted in Angela Merkel, Barack Obama, Donald Trump, Golf, Iran, Korea, NATO, Scotland, Syria, Theresa May

Senate to The Donald

after trump lands in brussels u.s. senate votes ninety-seven two saying nato’s friend and ally while putin and russia are not

Also posted in Donald Trump, Europe, NATO, Russia

Trump Nuclear Strategy

we need more long and intermediate range nukes so what russia will also make more we’ll make more than their more and be on top

Also posted in Donald Trump, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, START

Poison Putin

it’s shocking and inexcusable england accuses me of sending agents to poison ex russian spy and daughter

Also posted in England, KGB, Russia

Trump Justice

There’s no need for you or me to get confused by this legal mumbo jumbo the liberals are throwing at us. It’s all very simple. I did not hire Russian hookers, while visiting their great country, to pee on the bed African Obama once slept in. I did not sleep with Vladimir Putin or Stormy […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Donald Trump, FBI, James Comey, Karen McDougal, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Stormy Daniels

Proud Putin

Alexei Navalny is evil man who lied and insulted me during fake campaign for president he won’t win because he’s felon convicted of corruption and our noble election commission kicked him out of race I’ll dominate since few believe Navalny’s charge his popularity is surging because Russians know struggling economy’s my fault along with problems […]

Also posted in Alexei Navalny, Crimea, Donald Trump, Russia, Syria, Ukraine

Kevin McCarthy Says

Kevin McCarthy’s lucky he’ll never lose a congressional election in Kern County because he’d never survive as a comedian. Last year he confidentially told GOP leaders, “There are two people I think Putin pays, Dana Rohrabacher and Trump. Swear to God.” “That’s absurd,” McCarthy and Paul Ryan aides now say. “We have the tape,” responds […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Kevin McCarthy, Paul Ryan, Russia

Assad Passes Gas

Trust me, as the father of all Syrians, I – President Bashar al-Assad – am more aggrieved than anyone by the cowardly and criminals gas attacks that killed scores of women and children in the town of Khan Sheikhoun. Even though I’m an enormously proud and powerful man, I tell you I wept at reports […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bashar al-Assad, Chemical Weapons, Donald Trump, ISIS, Rex Tillerson, Russia, Syria

Maxine Waters Visits Trump

I know I promised to boycott Donald Trump events wherever they occur including the Capitol and White House. I refuse to dignify the man with my presence because I don’t believe anything he says. He’s abnormal, dangerous, a male chauvinist pig, an authoritarian racist, and he may be impeached because so many of his aides […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Donald Trump, Maxine Waters, Russia

Trump Accuses Obama

This is bad, really bad. I just found out President Obama stooped so low he tapped my phones at Trump Tower during our very sacred election process. That’s Nixon and Watergate kind of stuff. Obama’s a sick guy. What are my sources? Where’s my proof? Don’t worry, I’ll provide all that in good time, right […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Donald Trump, Jeff Sessions, Joseph McCarthy, Michael Flynn, Russia, Sergey Kislyak

Nuclear Trump

I worry about our nuclear triad because I’m a strategic thinker. I knew what the triad was last year even though political enemies tried to use my words to make it sound like I didn’t. I did and I do and warn everyone that the United States must greatly strengthen and expand its land-based missiles, […]

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, ISIS, Nuclear Weapons, Russia

Introducing Michael Flynn

I love public speaking, especially the first night of the Republican convention last summer. I’m at the podium and shouting lock her up and clapping with the audience, leading the chants. That’s right, I say, if I’d done a tenth what Hillary Clinton did I’d be in jail now. I know millions at home wonder […]

Also posted in Advertisements, Barack Obama, Colin Powell, Donald Trump, Michael Flynn, Pakistan, Russia, Syria, Turkey

Bonding with Putin

After aides set up the call, Donald Trump grabs his phone and says, “Thank you so much, Vladimir.” “My pleasure, Donald.” “Don’t worry. When I take over, the United States will improve relations with Russia.” “I hope so. The American media persists in portraying me as a bullying dictator determined to restore the power similar […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Donald Trump, Ivanka Trump, Repert Murdoch, Russia

The Fuehrer Endorses Trump

This story is from the rousing campaign book “King Donald”

Also posted in Adolf Hitler, Anschluss, Austria, Barack Obama, Campaign 2016, Donald Trump, Heinrich Hmmler, Hillary Clinton, Holocaust, Mexico, Russia

Putin Picks VP Winner

This story is from the rousing campaign book “King Donald”

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Campaign 2016, Crimea, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Iran, ISIS, Mike Pence, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Syria, Tim Kaine, Ukraine

Fighting Ted Cruz

This story is from the rousing campaign book “King Donald”

Also posted in Barack Obama, Campaign 2016, Carly Fiorina, Donald Trump, Egypt, George Wallace, Hosni Mubarak, Iraq, ISIS, John Kasich, Libya, Marco Rubio, Muammar Gaddafi, NRA, Russia, Saddam Hussein, Supreme Court, Ted Cruz, William Rehnquist

Putin to Obama re Paris

This story is from the rousing campaign book “King Donald”

Also posted in Barack Obama, Beirut, Campaign 2016, Germany, Iraq, ISIS, Japan, Lebanon, Middle East, Paris, Ronald Reagan, Russia, Syria, World War II

Stalin Makes Comeback

I hope you hypocritical Americans have read the recent article in the Los Angeles Times. If I had said these things, you wouldn’t have believed them. Now you have to accept that in the only place that counts, the vast Soviet Union, I am again a hero to leaders and peasants alike, and that those […]

Also posted in Adolf Hitler, Boris Yeltsin, Joseph Stalin, Leon Trotsky, Mikhail Gorbachev, Poland, Russia, Soviet Union, World War II

Putin Fights Fascists in Ukraine

It is my duty to speak and my nature to lead. Russians and all others respect the most fearsome martial artist who’s ever guided any nation and the special friend of a sensuous young woman. I bring strength, insight, and animal appeal into any environment I grace. Right now, more than ever, my stage is […]

Also posted in Adolf Hitler, Leningrad, Napoleon, NATO, Russia, Ukraine, World War II

Mayor Klitschko’s Successes

I didn’t worry about ragged furniture in my office at Kiev City Hall. The city looked much worse as unemployment rose, wages fell, our till stood empty, protestors lived in tents a hundred meters from my office, and Russian troops mobilized on our eastern border. The big bears intended to convince all Ukrainians, and especially […]

Also posted in Bermane Stiverne, Boxing, Kiev, Mixed Martial Arts, Ronda Rousey, Russia, Ukraine, Vitali Klitschko, Wladimir Klitschko

Putin Grieves for Odessa

Quit denouncing Russia and listen to those more knowledgeable who explain the corrupt regime in Ukraine criminally seized power. Understand that I will not much longer permit atrocities against my people. Accept that I have sufficient troops ready to protect the innocent. Admit you can’t stop me. Ask yourself why you would want to. Note […]

Also posted in Russia, Ukraine

Putin Writes Kerry

To John Kerry Secretary of State Dear Secretary Kerry, Worry not about the Russian army I don’t want to unleash but beware of me if you keep accusing us of agitating in eastern Ukraine. I may ultimately treat you like a gangly puppet on a loose string. Keep your bad breath out of our faces. […]

Also posted in Crimea, Russia, Ukraine

Putin Warns the West

Don’t call me shorty or I’ll throw you over my hip. I’m a superpower leader ready to protect the Russian people who’ve so often been “not merely robbed but plundered” by such heathens as Napoleon, Hitler, Bush father and son, Clinton, and Obama, the latter four deluded Americans who claim God wants them to “determine […]

Also posted in Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty, Barack Obama, Crimea, NATO, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Soviet Union, Ukraine, Warsaw Pact

Nikita Khrushchev Explains

Don’t blame me Vladimir Putin’s grabbing the Crimea sixty years after I bestowed that lovely peninsula on Ukraine, the great Russian Breadbasket where I’d forged my political career and found a bride. Listen to my son, Sergei. He’s a wizard in computers and missiles and holds multiple advanced degrees and teaches at Brown University and […]

Also posted in Crimea, Cuba, Fidel Castro, John F. Kennedy, Nikita Khrushchev, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Soviet Union, Ukraine

Crimean Anschluss

Be assured: if I, instead of slumbering Stalin, had been running Russia in 1941, the Germans wouldn’t have attacked and mauled us because I would’ve already smashed them. I understand what’s necessary. We must keep enemies away from our frontiers. The United States and its European mercenaries will not be allowed to surround us with […]

Also posted in Adolf Hitler, Anschluss, Crimea, Czechoslovakia, Hitler Here, Russia, Ukraine, World War II

Vladimir Putin Attacks

The United States is shaking while all of Europe trembles. They know they can’t stop me. No one can. I’m master politician black belt in judo and consummate stud who took down sacrilegious female rockers Pussy Riot and sent them to jail same place many other critics spend years contemplating dangers of contradicting their leader […]

Also posted in Crimea, Nikita Khrushchev, Pussy Riot, Russia, Ukraine

Putin on Syrian Gas

Let’s be honest. I’m shrewdest politician in world. I maneuver into many terms as president, deftly gag dissenters, jail Pussy Riot female rockers who belittle Christ, and now I write columns for New York Times. If life weren’t so good in Russia I’d move to Big Apple and comment full-time. I have special insight into […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bashar al-Assad, Chemical Weapons, Hafez al-Assad, Middle East, Pussy Riot, Russia, Short Pieces - GTC, Syria

Putin to Host Snowden

I shall be delighted to host freedom fighter Edward Snowden not only in Russia but in dacha. He’s brave young man to reveal American colossus, through NSA and other insidious organizations, is recording every conversation, email, and indeed every thought of every citizen in hyper-aggressive, homosexual-loving country. Those who call me intelligence-gobbling hypocrite, since I […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Edward Snowden, KGB, NSA, Russia

Romney’s Preparations for Republican Convention Speech

This story is from the collection “Obama on Edge”

Also posted in 60 Minutes, Barack Obama, Campaign 2012, Economics, Homosexuals, Israel, Mitt Romney, Politics, Republicans, Russia

Vladimir Putin Suppresses Pussy Riot

My Gods are no longer Lenin and Stalin and beautiful communist colossus crumbling during greatest geopolitical disaster of Twentieth Century. Higher power now is Russian Orthodox Church which supports me and ongoing recovery of nation I have rebuilt and led for many years and, God willing, will lead many more. It has thus been sacred […]

Also posted in Communism, Joseph Stalin, Moscow, Pussy Riot, Religion, Russia, Soviet Union, Syria

Gay Moscow

moscow bans gay parades hundred years when president putin will lead procession

Also posted in Homosexuals, Moscow, Russia

Conservative International Action Plan

This story is from the collection “Obama on Edge”

Also posted in Afghanistan, Barack Obama, Bashar al-Assad, China, Cold War, Conservatives, Iran, Iraq, Middle East, Nuclear Weapons, Pacific Ocean, Republicans, Russia, Saddam Hussein, Syria, Taliban

Dear Leader Vladimir Putin

i look like sinister kgb chief yet charm russians as masculine action man judo throwing men over my hip horseback riding bare chest muscles bright in sun hunting and fishing russians know my leadership saved from chaos following biggest geopolitical disaster twentieth century crumbling soviet union i established order led economic boom and denounced united […]

Also posted in Joseph Stalin, Poetry - GTC, Russia, Soviet Union

Russian President Vladimir Putin Addresses the American People

I have been trying to communicate with the citizens of the United States of America.   As president of the world’s largest and second most dangerously armed nation, I believe what I have to say about foreign affairs and U.S.-Russian relations should interest the wealthiest and most powerful people on earth.  But I’m having trouble getting […]

Also posted in Europe, International Relations, NATO, United States

Bush Resolves Missile Shield Dilemma

This story is from the collection “Echoes from Saddam Hussein”

Also posted in Czech Republic, George W. Bush, Missile Shield, Nuclear Weapons, Russia