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Category Archives: Turkey

Baghdadi at the Movies

This is really exciting, like being at a movie I’m directing. I’d rather be on site close to the action, exchanging gunfire, but my generals insist I’ve got to watch from here as our several helicopters fly in low and fast before landing at a secret location in northwest Syria. About sixty elite soldiers jump […]

Also posted in Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, Donald Trump, Iraq, ISIS, Kurds, Russia, Syria

Trump Dumps on Dems

Nothing makes me happier than watching Democrats debate each other in front of Americans who undoubtedly think the candidates are incompetent. You know there’s NO WAY any of them can beat me and they know it too. That’s why they’re pushing for the illegal and absurd impeachment of an extraordinarily successful president. That won’t work. […]

Also posted in Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Bernie Sanders, Donald Trump, Elizabeth Warren, Ilhan Omar, Joe Biden, Syria, Volodymyr Zelensky

My Kurds

Democrats are going to lie and complain even when I keep my campaign promise to avoid endless foreign wars especially in the Middle East. I’m not afraid to strike the Iranians for blowing up Saudi oil. I’m just being realistic they could do it again. Now even Republicans are complaining I moved our troops out […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Donald Trump, Iran, Kurds, NATO, Saudi Arabia, Syria

Mohammed bin Salman Swears

ignore preposterous cia claims i ordered murder and dismemberment of comrade jamal khashoggi i have real culprits in custody and five will be decapitated after receiving fair trail

Also posted in CIA, Donald Trump, Jamal Khashoggi, Jared Kushner, Mohammed bin Salman, Saudi Arabia

Mohammed bin Salman Explains

I’m mad as can be at some of my generals, advisers, security agents, consular secretaries, and others. Their recent incompetence has temporarily tarnished my stellar reputation. I would’ve cleared up this whole mess two weeks ago if these rogues hadn’t deceived me. First they told me Jamal Khashoggi rapidly took care of his fiancé-related paperwork […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Istanbul, Jamal Khashoggi, Mohammed bin Salman, Saudi Arabia

Trump Update on Khashoggi

I’m just being very fair and careful by not allowing any more of this guilty until proven innocent garbage like happened to Brett Kavanaugh. But don’t forget, I already said we’re going to get to the bottom of this. And we are. The Saudis aren’t going to make a jackass out of me, and liberals […]

Also posted in Brett Kavanaugh, Donald Trump, Iran, Jamal Khashoggi, Mohammed bin Salman, Saudi Arabia

Smiling in Saudi Arabia

I love being Mike Pompeo because, as secretary of state, I get lots of exciting jobs. Today I’m in Saudi Arabia with young Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman. We’re two husky fellows – don’t call us fat – and we’re very happy and smiling big. We really like each other and we love each other’s […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Iran, Istanbul, Jamal Khashoggi, Mike Pompeo, Mohammed bin Salman, Saudi Arabia, Yemen

Immune to Michael Flynn

Yes sir, I know Donald Trump and I said Hillary Clinton and her email coconspirators were inevitably guilty of serious crimes otherwise they wouldn’t need immunity, and at attention I still stand by those assertions. Now that I’m hunting for immunity, however, some say I too must be guilty of something. Actually, people have been […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Michael Flynn, Russia, Vladamir Putin

Introducing Michael Flynn

I love public speaking, especially the first night of the Republican convention last summer. I’m at the podium and shouting lock her up and clapping with the audience, leading the chants. That’s right, I say, if I’d done a tenth what Hillary Clinton did I’d be in jail now. I know millions at home wonder […]

Also posted in Advertisements, Barack Obama, Colin Powell, Donald Trump, Michael Flynn, Pakistan, Russia, Syria, Vladimir Putin

Saddam Battles ISIS

This story is from the rousing campaign book “King Donald”

Also posted in Barack Obama, Campaign 2016, Iraq, ISIS, Jeb Bush, Kurds, Marco Rubio, Middle East, Saddam Hussein, Syria

Saddam Counters Islamic State

Thankfully I’m an empathetic man or I would’ve hammered my driver into the head of the flunky who interrupted my backswing on the gorgeous eighteenth tee at Doral. He said he was an aide to President Barack Obama and urged me to help save Iraq and the Middle East and vital American and Israeli interests. […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, George H. W. Bush, George W. Bush, Iran, Iraq, ISIS, Middle East, Ronald Reagan, Saddam Hussein

Bashar al-Assad’s Minefield

why mine borders blocking those who want to flee imprisoned in syria they’ll slit your gut

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Hafez al-Assad, Middle East, Poetry - GTC, Syria