Short Pieces – GTC
French Antisemitism
Husky librarian lectured members of historical society about vast news and photo archives and then discussed college background, emphasizing in grad school had researched paper about nineteenth century French anti-Semitism. As author of “Hitler Here” I approached and said, that’s obscure subject. Yes, but fascinating, he replied. I focused on Edouard Drumont, Adolf Hitler of…
Read MoreReaders Delighted by Ace
I’m thrilled scores of readers wrote about recent account of my hole in one. They wanted tips. How do I hit ball so straight, not only on par threes but with big stick off tees? How do I knock putts straight into holes? I didn’t write or even imply I did those things but realize…
Read MoreLost Ball
Hector hated playing alone. His bad eyes couldn’t track even orange ball, and he refused to wear glasses or contact lenses. He wanted surgery but instead spent money traveling to play best courses. No one was available afternoon he teed off in mountains surrounding course. He usually found ball if hit down middle. On cliff…
Read MoreEmergency Teacher
Science teacher loved job but hated having to go in middle of class. Back in two minutes, he said, holding up fingers. He walked into bathroom he’d used twenty years and saw father push son away from urinal. Don’t do that, said teacher, and stepped to another urinal from which father pushed him, so he…
Read MoreSuper Kim Jong Un
I don’t fear starving people. They love my fat face. I worry about generals who pray I’m not tough as Father and Grandfather, generals who may want my place. They can’t have it. They’re learning I’m strongest Kim yet. I’ve already captured, jailed, and tortured North Korean fishermen, and fired missiles able to carry nuclear…
Read MoreSleep Issues
Driving elbow into ribs, Patti said, “Quit snoring.” As Bill did not waken, she drilled again. “What hell?” “You’re ruining sleep.” “You don’t sleep,” he said. “Because you always roll around and snort like pig.” “That’s not why.” “Go to guest bedroom.” Bill complied and was soon snoring. Patti stared at dark ceiling and wondered…
Read MoreAching Back
Ignoring lower back pain daily getting sharper, Clyde eased into bed and next morning reached for radio alarm foot away but couldn’t lean that far, couldn’t lean at all, as if concrete encased lower back. Okay, just relax. This will pass. It better. Radio was grinding static. He reached few times before turning onto belly,…
Read MoreOcean View
From patio on highest hill endless ocean rolls green back onto hill. Other way city sits in smog. Damn four story house next door ruins view, owners say. Not bad, I note, three in ravine. Suppose we’re lucky to live here fifty years. Used to be in tract house below.
Read MoreEmpty Boots
On massive foundation in Budapest park great Hungarian patriots erected me twenty-five feet high in bronze to celebrate seventieth birthday and thank for destroying Nazis. Only few years after I departed imperialists threw steel ropes around neck, burned legs with blow torches, and pulled body down to desecrate face beneath empty boots.
Read MoreWater Polo War
After Russians trampled Hungary in fifty-six, victims got better matchup in summer Olympics as Red Army entered water polo pool minus tanks and planes. Reports pool turned red are exaggerated, water only pink as Hungary won this war four zip.
Read MoreTrash Can
Old man eased across street to knock on iron security door and was ignored till stepped to bedroom window rapping to force another old man out. Did you pull trash can down street and fill with shingles and nails? Hell no. Then I wonder who. You see anyone? Just those guys on your roof.
Read MoreNew Toys
As boy Mike fired toy pistol popping smelly row of charred red caps curling out pistol down to feet. He later celebrated new greenie stickem caps small explosive circles placed on striking points of individual toy bullets. Shooting pistol was cool but loading laborious. Now Mike wishes he’d owned toys like young Clyde’s. In particular…
Read MoreAlarm Radio
Another tardy, you’re fired, boss told me. Sir, I’ve been both diligent and creative. Alarm radio was problem but I stopped listening to wakeup news which interested too much to get up until fell back asleep. Rock and classical music also soothed return to slumber. Then tried country music, which had hated, but soon loved.…
Read MoreMollycoddling a Terrorist
Those who burned in and jumped from the Twin Towers are confused the U.S. government, self-proclaimed bastion of anti-terrorism, daily strokes enduring terrorist Luis Posades Carriles who in ‘seventies blew Cuban airliner from sky killing everyone and then continued bombing and killing when not selling cocaine and now says sleeps like baby in Miami where…
Read MoreKeys to Gate
Must have door key or burglars enter home, deadbolt key or they kick in door, car door key or punks swipe coat, ignition key or thieves drive away, office key or crooks ransack place, cabinet key or employees know business, suitcase key to get out of town, carry-on key to access tranquilizers, and computer password…
Read MoreAssad Hangs
I’m not dork or mass murderer. I’m Syrian President for Life and with iron fist striking foreign terrorists agitating my people. This I decree during fiery speeches forcing everyone to understand father and I’ve ruled Syria forty years, lot less than forever enemies will have to wait for me to leave. Twenty million Syrians know…
Read MoreSunday School
Lady teaching Sunday school passes out coloring books and crayons and says draw pretty pictures. All kids comply but one scratches black lines over faces and bodies, forcing concerned lady to gently remove and wad.
Read More