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Category Archives: Animals

Don Junior Hunts Reporter

I’m a sharpshooting stud who all over the world has killed many beasts including leopards, elephants, buffaloes, deer, bighorn sheep, foxes, and plenty more. I also know a helluva lot about security and expect you to pay attention when I write, “You know why you can enjoy a day at the zoo? Because walls work.” […]

Also posted in Africa, Deer, Donald Trump, Donald Trump Jr., Elephants, Guns, Hunters, Immigration, Mexico

Lion Confronts Murderer of Cecil

Listen, I’m not going to lie that we lions are morally perfect creatures. We’re no better than humans, and neither is any other animal hungry for food and passion. Cecil wasn’t a saint but I prefer him to cosmetic dentist Walter Palmer who paid butchers fifty grand to shoot Cecil with an arrow and track […]

Also posted in Africa, Hunters, Kenya, Lions, Wildebeests, Zebras, Zimbabwe

Rhinos Battle Poachers

Thank you, humans, after centuries of slaughtering rhinos and driving many of our species into extinction and others to the brink, for trying to implant microchips in horns of all Kenyan white rhinos you can shoot with tranquilizers and thereby track poachers who kill us, and presumably arrest, prosecute, and convict the heathens who love […]

Also posted in Africa, Football, Rhinos

Noisy Night

This story is now in the collection “Tales of Romance”

Also posted in Marriage, Rats, Short Pieces - GTC

Kit Foxes in the Road

Four years little kit foxes, bearing the sharp angular look of underfed and downtrodden foxes, instantly scattered from the road as I reentered my neighborhood, interrupting asphalt gatherings that had followed their nocturnal dashes from dens to seek duck eggs, lizards, and insects. A few months ago the kit foxes began departing leisurely and, instead […]

Also posted in Bakersfield, Foxes, Neighborhoods, Short Pieces - GTC

Saber-Tooth Cat Revisits Red Rock Canyon

Let me clarify this point: I like to be called saber-toothed cat. Do not call me a Smilodon, that pompous academic name thrown at us by humans who’ve lived such a short time compared to the millions of years various branches of my family survived and flourished in a world far more beautiful than the […]

Also posted in Bakersfield, California, Cats, Central Valley, Elephants, Environment, Geology, Kern County, Oceans, Red Rock Canyon, Rhinos

Cow Sense

on side cow’s legs forever extend toward chewers and a head stuck in barbed wire looks confused

Also posted in Cows, Poetry - GTC

Animals in Office

swine snorts at talent wish i’d wonder if too late reptile darts and hisses insinuating problems exist wish i’d wonder if too late hyena snarls at herself through others wish i’d wonder if too late

Also posted in Employment, Mental Health, Pigs, Poetry - GTC, Reptiles, Snakes

Late Night Howl

damn neighborhoods without streetlights make me get lost and run right over darting dogs can’t stop in dark since howls unsettling and owners might do something

Also posted in Cars & Driving, Dogs, Neighborhoods, Poetry - GTC

Dog with Gun

puppy king of yard happy growing fast father moves in usually eats some of son’s food and won’t let have any unless owner monitors pup gets skinny starts cowering and stops only when predeceases father if pup had gun things could’ve been different

Also posted in Dogs, Guns, Poetry - GTC

Dinosaur Dogs

thrilled to see two dinosaurs size of dogs and ask owner their age says seven they can barely get up and walk soon won’t be able to at all and will have to put down just like you someday

Also posted in Aging, Dinosaurs, Dogs, Dreams, Poetry - GTC

Canine Insight

ann swears dog knows her moods prances when happy cringes when not and whines when boyfriend visits

Also posted in Dogs, Poetry - GTC

Night Lights

what beautiful strange lights those are illuminating me on this hard surface think i’ll look into them

Also posted in Cars & Driving, Deer, Poetry - GTC

Raccoon Attacks Child and Father

As the paramount raccoon I am hosting this press conference to explain and apologize rather than justify. I understand we raccoons stand rather low in the eyes of you humans who consider us stealthy and untrustworthy creatures because we wear bandit black masks across our eyes. Our physical stature is also uninspiring as we usually […]

Also posted in Racoons, Short Pieces - GTC, Zoos

Chimpanzee Discusses Weapons Making

As Chief of Chimpanzees, I have the duty to assure our closest genetic cousins, and most unrelenting enemies – human beings – that though we chimps are developing weapons, we are not doing so to attack the kings of the earth.  Despite their paranoid nature, humans, I am certain, will believe me.  Their arsenals of […]

Also posted in Chimpanzees, Pets, Weapons