fbpx

Category Archives: Hafez al-Assad

Putin on Syrian Gas

Let’s be honest. I’m shrewdest politician in world. I maneuver into many terms as president, deftly gag dissenters, jail Pussy Riot female rockers who belittle Christ, and now I write columns for New York Times. If life weren’t so good in Russia I’d move to Big Apple and comment full-time. I have special insight into […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bashar al-Assad, Chemical Weapons, Middle East, Pussy Riot, Russia, Short Pieces - GTC, Syria, Vladimir Putin

Assad Explains Seige of Homs

This story is from the collection “Obama on Edge”

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bashar al-Assad, Chemical Weapons, Middle East, Short Pieces - GTC, Syria

Kerry Challenges Assad

We have unassailable evidence Bashar al-Assad gassed Syrian civilians in vile attempt to retain stranglehold on country. What we don’t have is war-winning military option. Americans don’t want to fight in Syria and neither do allies. It’s therefore incumbent on me, as decorated and oft-wounded warrior, to stand up and challenge Assad to hand-to-hand combat. […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Chemical Weapons, John Kerry, Middle East, Syria

Assad Gas Company

Obama has red line between eyes that means I can use gas whenever. I don’t want to every day, only when I need to. Sometimes I need to gas children and other sleeping civilians who understand I must keep power. Only I am qualified to lead. Before I took over, only Father was fit. Syria […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Chemical Weapons, Middle East, Short Pieces - GTC, Syria

Assad Hangs

I’m not dork or mass murderer. I’m Syrian President for Life and with iron fist striking foreign terrorists agitating my people. This I decree during fiery speeches forcing everyone to understand father and I’ve ruled Syria forty years, lot less than forever enemies will have to wait for me to leave. Twenty million Syrians know […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Middle East, Short Pieces - GTC, Syria

Syrian Military Headquarters Attacked

Please be responsible citizens of the world and ignore terrorists’ claims they killed about twenty men at our national military headquarters in downtown Damascus. I assure you none of my officers and soldiers died. Perhaps a few suffered minor injuries. The building itself did sustain some blasts and burns and had to be evacuated. That […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Middle East, Syria

Assad Battles Terrorists

This story is from the collection “Obama on Edge”

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Children, Education, Middle East, Syria

Syrian Composer Speaks

This story is from the collection “Obama on Edge”

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bashar al-Assad, Computers, Hammer Museum, Los Angeles, Malek Jandali, Middle East, Mona Simpson, Music, Steve Jobs, Syria, Writers

Conviction of Bashar al-Assad

i keep saying terrorists incited and abetted by foreigners are attacking our beloved syrian homeland and have convinced myself and hope you as well

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Middle East, Poetry - GTC, Syria

Assad Justifies Bombardment

This story is from the collection “Obama on Edge”

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Middle East, Syria

Assad’s Guidelines

This story is from the collection “Obama on Edge”

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Middle East, Poetry - GTC, Syria

Bashar al-Assad Can’t Stop

can’t stop shooting terrorists still firing can’t retreat or they’ll move in can’t have ceasefire till sure terrorists controlled by monitors from right countries

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Middle East, Poetry - GTC, Syria

Shopping with Missus Assad

This story is from the collection “Obama on Edge”

Also posted in Asma al-Assad, Bashar al-Assad, Internet, Middle East, Poetry - GTC, Syria

Bashar al-Assad’s New Hippocratic Oath

bashar al-assad distinguished opthamologist has revised hippocratic oath at gunpoint demanding doctors foreswear treating injured patients in syrian hospitals

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Doctors, Health, Middle East, Poetry - GTC

Bashar al-Assad’s Minefield

why mine borders blocking those who want to flee imprisoned in syria they’ll slit your gut

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Middle East, Poetry - GTC, Syria, Turkey

Assad Explains Siege of Homs

I’ve been reading international reports. People are saying I’ve sequestered myself with sycophants and yes men. They should be quiet and listen to the truth. I admit my opposition’s a bit broader than initially perceived. Quite a few terrorist-infected Syrians don’t understand the Assad dynasty must endure. To protect the country I’ve been forced to […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Middle East, Poetry - GTC, Syria, United Nations

Siege of Homs

Please click here to read an excerpt from “Obama on Edge.”

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Middle East, Syria

Bashar al-Assad Gets Tougher

i am not dork or mass murderer i’m president for life of syria and prepared to strike with iron fist those foreign terrorists who’ve been agitating my people this i decreed during fiery two hour speech forcing everyone to understand my father and i’ve ruled syria forty years lot less than forever they’ll have to […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Middle East, Poetry - GTC, Syria

Awaiting First Lady of Syria

wife bashar al-assad often denounces israel when will she denounce husband

Also posted in Asma al-Assad, Bashar al-Assad, Israel, Middle East, Poetry - GTC, Syria

Bashar al-Assad Defends Himself

This story is from the collection “Obama on Edge”

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Middle East, Syria