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Category Archives: Ukraine

Stalin Summons Trump

This is entirely unfair. While I had to fight that ruthless bastard Adolf Hitler and form an alliance with shrewd but treacherous capitalists Franklin Roosevelt and Winston Churchill, my most celebrated successor, Vladimir Putin, is blessed with a world in which his strongest adversary, Donald Trump, isn’t really his enemy but his most ardent admirer. […]

Also posted in Adolf Hitler, Barack Obama, Donald Trump, Iran, Iraq, Joseph Stalin, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Soviet Union

Proud Putin

Alexei Navalny is evil man who lied and insulted me during fake campaign for president he won’t win because he’s felon convicted of corruption and our noble election commission kicked him out of race I’ll dominate since few believe Navalny’s charge his popularity is surging because Russians know struggling economy’s my fault along with problems […]

Also posted in Alexei Navalny, Crimea, Donald Trump, Russia, Syria, Vladimir Putin

Praying for Trump

Everywhere I go people tell me, “I’m praying for you.” I appreciate that since I’m a compassionate guy. The world’s in big trouble but I’m going to make everything better. That’s what I do. I fix things. You should hear what I’ve been saying on the phone to world leaders. So many countries are taking […]

Also posted in Arnold Schwarzenegger, Barack Obama, Donald Trump, Iran, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Vladamir Putin

Putin Picks VP Winner

This story is from the rousing campaign book “King Donald”

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Campaign 2016, Crimea, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Iran, ISIS, Mike Pence, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Syria, Tim Kaine, Vladimir Putin

Putin Fights Fascists in Ukraine

It is my duty to speak and my nature to lead. Russians and all others respect the most fearsome martial artist who’s ever guided any nation and the special friend of a sensuous young woman. I bring strength, insight, and animal appeal into any environment I grace. Right now, more than ever, my stage is […]

Also posted in Adolf Hitler, Leningrad, Napoleon, NATO, Russia, Vladimir Putin, World War II

Mayor Klitschko’s Successes

I didn’t worry about ragged furniture in my office at Kiev City Hall. The city looked much worse as unemployment rose, wages fell, our till stood empty, protestors lived in tents a hundred meters from my office, and Russian troops mobilized on our eastern border. The big bears intended to convince all Ukrainians, and especially […]

Also posted in Bermane Stiverne, Boxing, Kiev, Mixed Martial Arts, Ronda Rousey, Russia, Vitali Klitschko, Vladimir Putin, Wladimir Klitschko

Klitschko and Putin Battle over Airliner

“This is Mayor Vitali Klitschko of Kiev, calling for President Vladimir Putin,” I said. “Just a minute, sir.” One minute had become fifteen when the receptionist returned and said, “President Putin is in meetings and will not be able to take your call.” “Tomorrow, then.” “Sorry, no.” I hung up and arranged for a private […]

Also posted in Boxing, Malaysia, Planes, Russia, Vitali Klitschko, Vladamir Putin, Wladimir Klitschko

Putin Grieves for Odessa

Quit denouncing Russia and listen to those more knowledgeable who explain the corrupt regime in Ukraine criminally seized power. Understand that I will not much longer permit atrocities against my people. Accept that I have sufficient troops ready to protect the innocent. Admit you can’t stop me. Ask yourself why you would want to. Note […]

Also posted in Russia, Vladimir Putin

Putin Writes Kerry

To John Kerry Secretary of State Dear Secretary Kerry, Worry not about the Russian army I don’t want to unleash but beware of me if you keep accusing us of agitating in eastern Ukraine. I may ultimately treat you like a gangly puppet on a loose string. Keep your bad breath out of our faces. […]

Also posted in Crimea, Russia, Vladimir Putin

Putin Warns the West

Don’t call me shorty or I’ll throw you over my hip. I’m a superpower leader ready to protect the Russian people who’ve so often been “not merely robbed but plundered” by such heathens as Napoleon, Hitler, Bush father and son, Clinton, and Obama, the latter four deluded Americans who claim God wants them to “determine […]

Also posted in Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty, Barack Obama, Crimea, NATO, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Soviet Union, Vladimir Putin, Warsaw Pact

Nikita Khrushchev Explains

Don’t blame me Vladimir Putin’s grabbing the Crimea sixty years after I bestowed that lovely peninsula on Ukraine, the great Russian Breadbasket where I’d forged my political career and found a bride. Listen to my son, Sergei. He’s a wizard in computers and missiles and holds multiple advanced degrees and teaches at Brown University and […]

Also posted in Crimea, Cuba, Fidel Castro, John F. Kennedy, Nikita Khrushchev, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Soviet Union, Vladimir Putin

Crimean Anschluss

Be assured: if I, instead of slumbering Stalin, had been running Russia in 1941, the Germans wouldn’t have attacked and mauled us because I would’ve already smashed them. I understand what’s necessary. We must keep enemies away from our frontiers. The United States and its European mercenaries will not be allowed to surround us with […]

Also posted in Adolf Hitler, Anschluss, Crimea, Czechoslovakia, Hitler Here, Russia, Vladimir Putin, World War II

Vladimir Putin Attacks

The United States is shaking while all of Europe trembles. They know they can’t stop me. No one can. I’m master politician black belt in judo and consummate stud who took down sacrilegious female rockers Pussy Riot and sent them to jail same place many other critics spend years contemplating dangers of contradicting their leader […]

Also posted in Crimea, Nikita Khrushchev, Pussy Riot, Russia, Vladimir Putin

Germany Attacked Russia 70 Years Ago

(On June 22, 1941 Germany invaded the Soviet Union, unleashing the bloodiest confrontations in history.) Please click here to read an excerpt from “Hitler Here.”

Also posted in Adolf Hitler, Georgi Zhukov, Germany, Heinz Guderian, Holocaust, Joseph Stalin, Leningrad, Moscow, Russia, World War II