Category Archives: Kim Jong-Un

Beware Kim Yo Jong

You know I’ll likely outlive and succeed my obese brother so I must warn mongrel dogs in South Korea to quit contaminating our skies with lying leaflets. Our military is as ever ready for the next action. You don’t know what that will be because we don’t either but we all know how powerful is […]

Also posted in Kim Yo Jong, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Memo from Strategist

Quit handwringing and moralizing. If Democrats are to win in 2020 they must find a candidate who’s more appealing than Trump. That may sound easy but who would that be? Which Dem would you bet your house on? I’ve been looking but don’t see anyone who can win. Politics is show business, and Donald Trump […]

Also posted in Campaign 2020, Donald Trump, Iran, Joe Biden, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Bolton Out

Late on a late summer evening at the White House, Donald Trump and John Bolton are speaking unpleasantly as they walk toward each other and by the time they’re nose to nose they’re almost shouting. “I’m the president.” “Yes, and I’m the national security adviser with decades of experience in foreign policy, and I’m telling […]

Also posted in Afghanistan, Donald Trump, Fox News, Iran, John Bolton, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Taliban

Donald Mellows

Lighten up. I’m not really planning to go to war with Iran. I hope I don’t have to. I just want them to think I’m ready. The Iranians know John Bolton and Mike Pompeo want war but are also aware I’ve got people around me who’re doves compared to those two. Nobody’s going to push […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Iran, Iraq, Korea, Nancy Pelosi, Nuclear Weapons

Putin Hosts Kim Jong Un

In Vladivostok, on cold east Russian shore of western Pacific, I greet President Kim, who traveled almost seven hundred miles in armored train. I hope someday he will have airplane so he can go places rapidly. This afternoon, at our summit meeting, flanked by interpreters, I smile and motion for Kim to please sit down. […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Iran, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Vladimir Putin

Nuclear Restoration

i’d be very disappointed in chairman kim if he’s already rebuilding rocket site he must’ve started right after hanoi but it’s very early report so we’ll see if he thinks i’m dumb he better not forget some day i’m gonna solve this

Also posted in Donald Trump, Hanoi, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Vietnam

Inside the Hanoi Summit

We’re sitting at a long polished wooden table decorated down the middle by small bouquets of flowers dividing Chairman Kim Jong Un and his staff from me and mine. I sense my brilliance and boldness will soon be needed. Eleven presidents who preceded me had sixty-five years to bring real peace to the Korean Peninsula […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Hanoi, Iran, Iraq, Korea, Mike Pompeo, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Vietnam, Vladimir Putin

Dining with Kim Jong Un

Chairman Kim and I have dinner Wednesday night in Hanoi at the Metropole Hotel where outside lights give the place a golden look I like at night. It’s a decent five-star hotel, with rooms starting at about three hundred thirty, but not a Trump-caliber place. That’s okay, though. I think Chairman Kim will be comfortable […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Hanoi, Jose Abeto Zaide, Kim Yong Chol, Korea, Korean War, Mike Pompeo, Nuclear Weapons

Trump in Hanoi

People in Hanoi are thrilled I’m here because Kim Jong Un and I are denuclearizing the Korean Peninsula. How do I know? My gut tells me. We’ve already established a great relationship. I’m not in a rush. As long as there’s no testing, I’m happy. Sure, there’s other stuff. We’ll talk about some of it […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Hanoi, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Vietnam

The Big Train

kim jong un’s long armored train chugs north into china then south more than two days almost three thousand miles to sino-vietnamese border where excited hosts greet him and wonder why guy with nuclear weapons travels like that

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, Hanoi, Kim Yong Chol, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Vietnam

State of Emergency

I’m a gambler. I’ve made billions from my casinos and know when to double down. I told Kim Jong Un I’d destroy North Korea if he continued testing ballistic missiles and exploding nuclear bombs. And I ordered renegade Iran to continue abiding by terms of our nuclear deal even after I dumped it. Just look […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Immigration, Iran, Koran, Mexico, Nuclear Weapons, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity

State of the Trump

Look at those Democratic ladies dressed in white flags of surrender during my State of the Union address. They know I’ve given Americans their best wages in decades and an economy growing almost twice as fast as when I took office. Some say I inherited a good economy. Not as good as the one we’ve […]

Also posted in Afghanistan, China, Donald Trump, Employment, Iran, Iraq, Korea, Middle East, Nuclear Weapons, Russia

Strategic Nuclear Trump

I know so much more than my generals I can’t remember all the areas where I’m superior but I sure understand way more about nuclear weapons and how to deal with Iran and North Korea. You probably heard I’ve been choking Iran with sanctions, especially after I bailed out of that horrible nuclear deal. I […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Iran, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Trump on Election Day

I’m up early because I couldn’t sleep last night after Sean Hannity shined my butt at an election rally and now my tweeter’s hotter than ever telling patriots this Republican candidate’s great and that one’s wonderful and those others are important and it’s vital to get out and vote because my name is really the […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Economics, Employment, Fox News, Immigration, Korea, Mexico, Russia, Sean Hannity, Vladimir Putin

Letter to Mohammed bin Salman

Mohammed, I’m not going to address you as Crown Prince since, like many, I don’t recognize the legitimacy of those who inherit political power unless, as in the case of Kim Jong Un, they’re armed with nuclear weapons. You, Mohammed, have doubtless been quite busy lately, planning or at least overseeing an operation to privately […]

Also posted in Iran, Jamal Khashoggi, Korea, Mohammed bin Salman, Nuclear Weapons, Saudi Arabia

General MacArthur Revisits North Korea

I returned to the Philippines and even returned to the United States after an absence of fourteen years. But, regretfully, I have yet to return to Korea. I saved the Korean people, you’re no doubt aware. Communist hordes from the north, materially aided by the Chinese and Russians, invaded south and almost swept our disorganized […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Douglas MacArthur, Harry Truman, Hiroshima, Korea, Korean War, Nagasaki, Nuclear Weapons

Trump Caps Rouhani

President Trump’s not screaming. He hopes he isn’t or someone may hear. He’s just having another bad dream. Maybe he wouldn’t have so many if he weren’t so damn lonely. Only losers are lonely. He’s a winner so that can’t be the problem. He’s just under a lot of stress. He starts to relax but […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Hassan Rouhani, Iran, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Kim Calls Vladimir Putin

Today, in my secret laboratory, I’m listening in stereophonic sound as Kim Jong Un speaks into a phone and says, “Congratulations on your meeting with Donald Trump.” “Thank you, Chairman Kim,” says Vladimir Putin. “Trump and I communicated quite well, and he’s already invited me to visit him.” “He’s quite eager to be to be […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Kim Yong Chol, Korea, Mike Pompeo, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Vladamir Putin

Misperceptions in North Korea

mike pompeo says wish i’d met with kim jong un this trip but north koreans still negotiated in good faith and we made significant progress toward denuclearization north korea says u.s. betrayed singapore spirit making unilateral and gangster-like demands for denuclearization just like trump’s cancerous predecessors

Also posted in Donald Trump, Korea, Mike Pompeo, Nuclear Weapons

Kim Debates Himself

Three days after his triumphant return from Singapore, Kim Jong Un visits his dentist’s office for cleaning and a checkup. Under the glare of three security agents the dentist lifts a syringe, smiles, and says, “Just a little Novocain.” “Why Novocain for cleaning?” says one of the tough guys. “The Dear Leader usually has some […]

Also posted in Benito Mussolini, Donald Trump, Korea, Libya, Methamphetamine, Muammar Gaddafi, Nuclear Weapons

Trump after Singapore

You’d think everyone would be congratulating me about the most extraordinary diplomatic breakthrough in decades, but some aren’t. They’re complaining I conferred legitimacy on a murderous dictator. In fact, I got off my presidential ass, unlike all my predecessors, and traveled thousands of miles to talk to a guy who has lots of nuclear weapons […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Singapore

Fat Kim

ignore lies forty percent north koreans malnourished they all love my big belly

Also posted in Donald Trump, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Kim Jong Un in Singapore

This evening as I stroll through beautiful grounds of a Singaporean resort people are cheering and squealing like I’m a rock star. This is certainly a good sign for my meeting tomorrow with President Donald Trump. I know he loves stars and winners. The summit begins as the president and I march to each other […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, John Bolton, Korea, Mike Pompeo, Moon Jae-in, Nuclear Weapons, Singapore

Trump Arrives in Singapore

It’s a great honor to participate in the summit meeting with Kim Jong Un, and I’m proud to be the man who made this happen. I really feel like a statesman now. I’m more mature and modest as a leader responsible for the lives of countless millions of people not only in the United States […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, John Bolton, Korean War, Nuclear Weapons, Singapore

Trump Gets Ready

don’t really need to prepare much for kim jong un just gonna keep massaging my balls

Also posted in Donald Trump, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Kim Yong Chol in New York

In a Chinese airliner I fly to New York where atop a beautiful skyscraper my aide and I are dining with Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and Andrew Kim, America’s purported expert in all matters North Korean and a man whose real name isn’t Andrew Kim. As my nation’s preeminent intelligence and security expert, and […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, John Bolton, Jose Abeto Zaide, Kim Yong Chol, Korea, Mike Pompeo, Nuclear Weapons

Trump Cancels Kim

kim said he understood our around-his-neck nuclear exercises with south korea and i explained john bolton’s gaddafi-model gaffe applied to kim’s nukes not his head he’s got to settle down so someday we can actually meet

Also posted in Donald Trump, John Bolton, Korea, Libya, Muammar Gaddafi, Nuclear Weapons

Trump Diplomacy A

i’m going to tell kim jong un denuclearize right away or i’ll attack

Also posted in Donald Trump, John Bolton, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Nobel Delay

I’d never say it, but almost everyone else is: President Trump’s a lock for the Nobel Peace Prize. Obviously, I agree. None of my timid predecessors could have brought Kim Jong Un running to the peace table. Only my threats of unprecedented death and destruction have made peace possible. I’m not worried Kim threatened to […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Iran, John Bolton, Korea, Nobel Prize, Nuclear Weapons

Nobel Trump

people ask what i had to with north’s korea’s improved behavior and offer to meet at summit my answer’s simple everything now it’s almost cinch i’ll win nobel peace prize and if i don’t blame kim jong un

Also posted in Donald Trump, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

At the Border

kim jong un walked south across the border kim jae-in walked north across the border and both returned south to discuss making korea nuclear-free and they lived quite happily until real negotiations began

Also posted in Donald Trump, Korea, Moon Jae-in, Nuclear Weapons

Korean Melody

k-pop pretty singers travel north after concert lips tight for kim jong un

Also posted in Korea, Music, Nuclear Weapons

James Mattis Moderates John Bolton

Dr. Harrison didn’t get drunk on fine wines at the party for powerbrokers in Washington, D.C. that recent night but did consume enough to hand the keys to his wife, after only brief debate, and rode shotgun, singing his alma mater’s fight song. At home he again acceded in gentlemanly fashion and, still clothed except […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Chemical Weapons, Donald Trump, Iran, Iraq, James Mattis, John Bolton, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Syria

China Pressures North Korea

(These secret communiques between President Kim Jong Un and President Xi Jinping were intercepted and assembled in March 2018 by the intelligence agencies of the United States and South Korea, and released early this morning.) Kim Jong Un – Mr. President, you’ve slashed imports of our products by eighty percent so far this year. And […]

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, Iran, John Bolton, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Xi Jinping

Kim Jong Un in China

I have always admired President Xi Jinping and warmly congratulated him last year when he won reelection as general secretary of the central committee, and this year I again sent my regards after he was reelected president in a way that means president for life. Even these overtures seemed insufficient, so I conveyed to President […]

Also posted in Beijing, China, Donald Trump, Kim Il Sung, Kim Jong-Il, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Ri Sol Ju, Xi Jinping

Guns and War

On the recent Saturday when a few million citizens, many quite young, gathered to protest gun violence in scores of cities and towns from Washington, D.C. to Los Angeles, I boosted several of my Facebook links to stories I’d written about guns and war. These promotions attracted many new readers who, by demographic selection, I’d […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Guns, John Bolton, Korea, Mental Health, Murder, NRA, Nuclear Weapons

Trump and Biden Brawl

Joe Biden, former vice president and still a slender six-footer at age seventy-five, stands at the microphone in an elegant Washington, D.C. hotel and, before Democratic governors and their staffs, begins hammering President Donald Trump for cutting taxes for the wealthy, risking a trade war with Europe and Asia, risking nuclear war with North Korea […]

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, Jerry Brown, Joe Biden, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Trade

Manila Bulletin Posts “Trump Interviews John Bolton”

Jose Abeto Zaide, former Philippine ambassador to France and Germany, has again posted one of my columns in the Manila Bulletin. This one is titled “Trump Interviews John Bolton.” “Trump Interviews John Bolton” in the Manila Bulletin “King Donald” by George Thomas Clark

Also posted in Donald Trump, Iran, Jose Abeto Zaide, Kim Jong-Il, Nuclear Weapons

Trump Interviews John Bolton

I like saying, “You’re fired,” to people who aren’t on board with my views and I’m probably going to say that to my national security advisor, H.R. McMaster. He’s still an active general but no way does he understand war the way I do. And I also think John Bolton knows a lot more about […]

Also posted in Dick Cheney, Donald Trump, Fox News, H.R. McMaster, Iran, John Bolton, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Ted Kennedy, Vietnam

Calling Rex Tillerson

Listen, I already told you all I’m not going to let anyone damage this smooth-running administration by forcing me to admit I called Donald Trump a moron. I have great respect and affection for the president, and hope he feels the same about me. It’s my duty to tell him the Iran nuclear deal is […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Korea, Mike Pompeo, Rex Tillerson

Trump Shock

hold it i thought south korea said kim jong un promised to denuclearize but maybe he just wants to talk about it and i’d look dumb

Also posted in Donald Trump, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Big Boys to Meet

(The following are transcripts of recent, and quite separate, private utterances by the world’s two most feared warriors.) Donald Trump – Other presidents didn’t have the guts to negotiate with Kim Jong Un or his father or grandfather but I’ve got brass balls, and my threats to completely destroy his country have scared the Little […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Korea, Muammar Gaddafi, Nuclear Weapons, Saddam Hussein

President Forever

congratulations xi jinping upon becoming president for life usa can’t complain much because it needs chinese help dealing with another president for life

Also posted in China, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Xi Jinping

Admiral Yamamoto in Korea

We’ll talk about North Korea in a minute but first you should know I love the sea and more Kawai especially when I’m in Tokyo out of uniform in her arms. I tell her about studying at Harvard two happy years, and likewise two incisive years as naval attaché in Washington, D. C. I like […]

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, Isoroku Yamamoto, Japan, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Tripartite Pact, World War II

Trump Button

my nuclear button’s bigger than yours

Also posted in Donald Trump, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Rocket Man Ready

our nuclear forces are complete the magic button is on my desk happy new year

Also posted in Donald Trump, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Manila Bulletin Posts “Nuclear Role Reversal”

Retired Ambassador Jose Abeto Zaide, now a columnist for the Manila Bulletin, has posted another of my stories about foreign affairs: “Nuclear Role Reversal.” Click here to read “King Donald” by George Thomas Clark

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, Jose Abeto Zaide, Korea, Mexico, Nuclear Weapons

Nuclear Role Reversal

Frankly and without self-pity I tell you that I have a dangerous and therefore stressful job as president of South Mexico, which for years, with the help of our Chinese allies, has been holding off communist hordes in North Mexico and the United States. To help you understand, let me briefly review essential events after […]

Also posted in Canada, China, Donald Trump, Hawaii, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Trump Scorches Balls

I’m sure you all read my vital presidential tweets and know I worried those three shoplifters from the UCLA basketball team were going to show me up and not tell everyone how much they appreciated that I intervened with President Xi and saved their asses from ten years in a Chinese prison. They should’ve said […]

Also posted in Basketball, China, Donald Trump, Korea, LaVar Ball, LiAngelo Ball, Xi Jinping

Donald Duterte

Bearing a big smile Donald Trump for a hefty man strides rapidly into Malacañang Palace and extends a hand to his host, President Rodrigo Duterte, who says, “No, bro, like this,” and holds out his right fist, evidently a more macho version of the Nazi salute, which after all was open-handed, and nods for Trump […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Donald Trump, Drugs, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Philippines, Rodrigo Duterte

Golfing with Shinzo and Donald

I’ve caddied for many of the greatest golfers in history, packing Tiger Woods’ bag the day he shot sixty-two in an exhibition with Japanese legend Jumbo Ozaki who, despite being almost sixty, fired a hot sixty-seven. Today, I won’t be carrying clubs because our distinguished guests here at Kasumigaseki Country Club – Hideki Matsuyama, fourth […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Golf, Guns, Hideki Matsuyama, Japan, Kim Jong-Il, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Shinzo Abe, Tiger Woods

Manila Bulletin Posts “Kim Jong Un in Iran”

The Manila Bulletin and Ambassador Jose Abeto Zaide have posted my most recent column, “Kim Jong Un in Iran”

Also posted in Ali Khamenei, Donald Trump, Iran, Jose Abeto Zaide, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Kim Jong Un in Iran

Just so you understand, I have a hot line to Iran and can contact Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei any time I want but I won’t need a phone today. After a secret trip by means that must remain mysterious, I’m meeting Khamenei in Tehran where I’ve been invited to discuss how we can save our […]

Also posted in Ali Khamenei, Donald Trump, Iran, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Manila Bulletin Reprints “Tillerson Confronts Trump”

The Manila Bulletin and Ambassador Jose Abeto Zaide Have Reprinted “Tillerson Confronts Trump” Is the president determined to start a nuclear war? Read my column in the Manila Bulletin

Also posted in Donald Trump, Jose Abeto Zaide, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Rex Tillerson

Tillerson Confronts Trump

Walking fast Rex Tillerson enters the office of White House chief of staff John Kelly and says, “Tell the president I’m here and we need to talk.” “You don’t have an appointment,” says the retired four-star general, rising to attention. The secretary of state pivots, marches out, and turns toward the Oval Office. Kelly from […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Jared Kushner, John Kelly, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Rex Tillerson

Hot Tweet

from erect tweeter trump declares secretary of state tillerson wasting time talking to little rocket man in north korea where the donald will do what has to be done

Also posted in Donald Trump, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Manila Bulletin Reprints “Trump at United Nations”

I’m honored that my creative commentaries about North Korea and nuclear weapons continue to interest readers in East Asia. Here’s a link to “Trump at United Nations,” quoted in its entirety by Jose Abeto Zaide, veteran diplomat and columnist for the Manila Bulletin. Read it in the Manila Bulletin

Also posted in Donald Trump, Jose Abeto Zaide, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Trump at United Nations

It’s a great honor to be at the United Nations right here in my hometown of New York. I do think the building’s a little shabby and would’ve been a lot prettier if I’d built it but that’s okay. We’re here today to celebrate the fact that because of my leadership the stock market is […]

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, Iran, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, United Nations, Venezuela


trump joins nuclear rocket man one way to mars

Also posted in Donald Trump, Korea, Mars, Nuclear Weapons

Kim’s Big Bomb

You tell me not to make ballistic missiles, I create them. You tell me not to test them, I fire whenever I want. You tell me not to make nuclear warheads, I produce them. You tell me not to test them, this morning I tested one eight times more powerful than the bomb you dropped […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Donald Trump v. Kim Jong Un

Let’s see, in 1950 North Korean soldiers, materially aided by China and Russia, attacked and mauled South Korean troops, which then received massive aid from American and other United Nations forces to repulse the invaders but then the rescuers became invaders and, despite many warnings from the Chinese, continued to charge further north, bombing and […]

Also posted in Boxing, Donald Trump, Korea, Korean War, Mixed Martial Arts, Nuclear Weapons

Kim Says Mellow Out

Hey, come on. Chill, it’s me, your rock-n-roll and roundball buddy on top here in the righteous Democratic People’s Republic of Korea saying everything’s okay and the only reason you’re panicking is because you lack precise and trustworthy news organizations. I don’t allow such things in my country but you should because right now your […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Korea, Media, Nuclear Weapons

Kim’s Second ICBM

After my Fourth of July ICBM present to the United States I decided, little more than three weeks later, to air mail you another test, “a powerful sword for keeping peace,” and this one flew higher and longer than the last and, I’m confident, terrified those who live not only on the West Coast but […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Japan, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Trump Aces Lady Golfers

Can you believe my fake news enemies wanted to steal the women’s U.S. Open championship from me and my Trump National Golf Club in New Jersey? They said the president shouldn’t benefit by having a major tournament played on his golf course and it would be inappropriate since they claim I’m not always a gentleman […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Donald Trump Jr., Golf, Health, Iraq, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Russia

Trump Calls Kim Jong Un

Donald Trump – President Kim, this is President Trump calling to tell you that it won’t happen. Kim Jong Un – It’s already happened. DT – I’m referring to North Korea actually deploying an ICBM. KJU – Consider them as good as deployed on quite mobile Chinese-built trucks you’ll never be able to track. DT […]

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, Japan, Jose Abeto Zaide, Korea, Muammar Gaddafi, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Saddam Hussein

Target, Japan

north korea just fired another ballistic missile into our sea of japan we’re still not sure what we’re going to do about this menace but based on history we better do something

Also posted in Donald Trump, Japan, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Rodman Goes Nuclear

This story is in the collection “Basketball and Football”

Also posted in Barack Obama, Basketball, Dennis Rodman, Donald Trump, Jimi Hendrix, John McCain, Kim Il Sung, Kim Jong-Il, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, The Doors

North Korean Overture to Mexico

Deep in a bunker somewhere in North Korea, Kim Jong Un points to a huge wall map of the world and, aided by his finest Spanish-speaking tutor, says, “President Fox, I feel for the righteous Mexican people who’ve so long been degraded by the American colossus to the north. Your strategic position and indeed your […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Korea, Mexico, Nuclear Weapons, Vicente Fox

Kim Jong Un to Americans

You Americans are planning to attack me. You’re always attacking someone. Look at Iraq and Afghanistan and Libya and Syria and Cuba and Panama and Vietnam. Cry when you look at Vietnam and remember it when scheming against our North Korean homeland. No one believes your lie we invaded the imperialists in the south in […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

First Lady

ri sol-ju please tell us about your man kim jong-un

Also posted in Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Trump Confronts Kim Jong Un

Far too busy to be troubled by an inconvenient personal meeting, President Donald Trump, entertaining swells at Mar-a-Lago, and President Kim Jong Un, salivating as soldiers and missiles pass before him in Pyongyang, take a break to offer a little TV time for Battle of the Big Shots. President Xi Jinping, the referee, prepares to […]

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Xi Jinping

Colonel von Stauffenberg Discusses Kim Jong Un

This young man asks what many people have: “Colonel von Stauffenberg, what should the North Koreans do?” By that he naturally means what should the military officers do? “It will likely be up to the colonels,” I say. “Generals have usually lost their youth and vigor while gaining power and prestige. If a lower ranking […]

Also posted in Adolf Hitler, Claus von Stauffenberg, Kim Il Sung, Kim Jong-Il, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, World War II

Kim Jong Un Tweets Trump

Outraged by the contradictory tweet from President-elect Trump, I snatched my high powered Dear Leader tweeter and fired: It will happen. North Korea will soon have a nuclear-tipped ballistic missile capable of reaching the United States. In daily telepathic conversations my godlike grandfather and father, who created a paradise that capitalists want to destroy, tell […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Korea, Korean War, Nuclear Weapons, Twitter

Hydrogen Man

I’m not short and pudgy. I’m taller and firmer than you think and in fact I’m a stud who watches professional basketball and lives like a god and beds any woman I want and the other night my current favorite swooned as I told her, “This morning I exploded a hydrogen bomb.” “Oh, Dear Leader.” […]

Also posted in China, Japan, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Rubio Warns China

This story is from the rousing campaign book “King Donald”

Also posted in Air Force, Army, Campaign 2016, China, Defense Budget, Japan, Korea, Marco Rubio, Navy

Himmler Visits North Korea

I’m tired of people joking the Reichsfuehrer SS once gagged and almost fainted after seeing some civilians shot. I did stagger, yes, but didn’t fall or vomit and, after being helped away and recovering, I sent orders to continue shooting. That’s such a slow and messy process, I know. We don’t have any gas chambers […]

Also posted in Genocide, Germany, Heinrich Hmmler, Holocaust, Korea, Nazis, World War II

Kim Jong Un Betrayed by Uncle

I don’t care what they say in other countries. They now understand I really do control everything inside North Korea. My revered father, Kim Jong-Il, had entrusted his sister’s husband, Jang Song Thaek, to tutor me in diplomacy and military science but instead of treating me as a prodigy he often smirked, even after I […]

Also posted in Communism, Kim Jong-Il, Korea

Kim Jong Un Executes Girlfriend

I am physical and spiritual protector of nation and that’s only reason I ordered execution of ex-girlfriend and eleven other preserve members of orchestras I’d trusted to honorably entertain citizens. This has nothing to do with wife, former member of same orchestra, being jealous. This has nothing to do with immoral singer saying I’m fat […]

Also posted in Henry VIII, Kim Jong-Il, Korea

Super Kim Jong Un

I don’t fear starving people. They love my fat face. I worry about generals who pray I’m not tough as Father and Grandfather, generals who may want my place. They can’t have it. They’re learning I’m strongest Kim yet. I’ve already captured, jailed, and tortured North Korean fishermen, and fired missiles able to carry nuclear […]

Also posted in Kim Il Sung, Kim Jong-Il, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Short Pieces - GTC

Korean Wail

tried to cry for kim jong il but could not my brother cried loudly but without dramatic skill now we rehearse in jail

Also posted in Kim Il Sung, Kim Jong-Il, Korea, Poetry - GTC

Kim Jong-Il Attacks Again

Don’t dare celebrate Western exaggerations that my body’s withered by a stroke and my face twisted into a mask of fading comprehension. I’m still mighty Kim Jong-Il and determined to confront those who claim they’re blessed with freedom and nutrition but are in fact imperialistic criminals using economic sanctions to punish my starving North Korean […]

Also posted in Asia, China, Iran, Kim Il Sung, Kim Jong-Il, Korea, Nuclear Weapons