Politics

Update JFK

May 18, 2013

Mister President sorry to reveal Bobby was assassinated in sixty-eight right after winning California primary. Jackie fled to marry Aristotle Onassis and died of cancer at age sixty-four. Dashing John John was popular but crashed plane when only thirty-eight. Caroline’s fine but says you know a lot.

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Barack Marijuana

April 7, 2013

Flanked by secret service agents I entered Oval Office and was stunned to see several people circled around presidential desk, inhaling, coughing, and passing pungent marijuana. As female aide placed joint to lips President Barack Obama lunged by three people, snatched smoke from her hands, shouted, “Intercepted,” and took deep drag he long held, as…

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Women in Television News

August 21, 2012

In the vast and luxurious clubhouse of Seven Oaks Country Club, the League of Women Voters of Kern County hosts three female veterans of television news broadcasting in Bakersfield. Prior to their appearance the audience is treated to cashews and cake and a political history lesson: eleven states allowed women’s suffrage before the Nineteenth Amendment…

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Richard Nixon Where Are You

February 12, 2012

Richard Nixon called his first congressional opponent a commie, in ‘fifty senatorial race painted Helen Gahagan Duglas pink before trouncing her, and as vice president under Eisenhower snuggled with Joe McCarthy. By late ‘fifties he already wanted to invade Castro’s Cuba which however imperfect had just freed itself from American lackey Batista. After losing, perhaps…

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Interview with Robert F. Kennedy

January 25, 2012

gtc – could you as promised have really gotten u.s. out of vietnam rfk – certainly at least couple months before richard nixon did gtc – how would world be different if you’d been president rfk – based on my real accomplishments and everything that’s happened since would be about same gtc – would anything…

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Updates for John F. Kennedy

January 24, 2012

mister president sorry to tell you bobby assassinated in ‘sixty eight right after winning california primary jackie fled to marry aristotle onassis died of cancer age sixty four john john dashing and popular but crashed plane age thirty eight caroline fine but says you know a lot

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Executive Prowess

November 7, 2011

executives eat wallow and dump in your face

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Stable Politics

October 16, 2011

democrats and republicans unite in the same stable

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Michele Bachmann Sweet

October 9, 2011

short and slender wrapped up sweet

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Michelle Obama Arms

October 9, 2011

your long arms squeeze

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Hank Williams, Please

October 7, 2011

hank williams please goose step to a mirror before belching hitler

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Education of Ulysses S. Grant

May 30, 2011

I loved this wonderful horse that cost twenty-five dollars but when the owner brought it to our house my father said it wasn’t worth more than twenty and that’s what he offered. The owner wouldn’t yield and left but I so earnestly urged my father to help he gave me confidential instructions and ordered me…

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Richard Nixon Rebuts Frost/Nixon

June 4, 2009

Don’t for a second think I’m upset by this new Frost/Nixon movie.  My enemies again tried to get Nixon and again they failed.  Watch documentary films of my speeches and interviews and you’ll hear an unusually articulate politician.  Actor Frank Langella portrayed me as a stiff-necked and tormented bumbler.  If you know Nixon the leader,…

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Obama Activists Target Graffiti

January 22, 2009

The afternoon before President Barack Obama raised his right hand and strode into history, a few thousand action groups, summoned by an email Obama transmitted through his website, gathered in communities across the nation for the spiritual purpose of expressing unity and the utilitarian one of helping to rebuild a crumbling infrastructure.  In Bakersfield, California…

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Politicians Condemn Your Debt, Deepen Theirs

March 13, 2005

I wasn’t looking for anything controversial, just a few quick early-morning facts before I began work.  I suppose I should have been reading an almanac instead of a newspaper, for on one page an article explained why many people are sinking in credit card debt and on the other side a headline announced the United…

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Fear Not, California – Bakersfield Shall Save You

November 8, 2004

Have you been to Bakersfield?  Ask that of most people in California and they’ll say, “No, but I’ve been through it.”  They just kept on rolling over parched Central Valley earth en route to Los Angeles or the Bay Area.  Why didn’t they stop?  Perhaps they were startled or saddened by the eternal glare from…

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Ronald Reagan, 1911-2004

June 6, 2004

Yesterday, for the first time, I missed the collection of about 300 old movies on Beta tapes I’d seen so often and given away three years earlier. I would like to have grabbed Santa Fe Trail and watched the dashing Ronald Reagan, then in his late twenties, play the supporting role of General George Custer. …

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