George W. Bush

Young Rush Limbaugh

February 18, 2021

Back in 1987 Sacramento I had my own indoor half-court basketball gym and after shooting and exercising for about an hour in late afternoons I’d often relax in the living room, drinking cold water and watching the news. I preferred national reports but sometimes turned to local news and noted this mid-thirties guy with a…

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Saddam Counters Islamic State

June 15, 2014

Thankfully I’m an empathetic man or I would’ve hammered my driver into the head of the flunky who interrupted my backswing on the gorgeous eighteenth tee at Doral. He said he was an aide to President Barack Obama and urged me to help save Iraq and the Middle East and vital American and Israeli interests.…

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Dick Cheney Speaks

June 17, 2013

Thank God I’m healthy and on TV to warn Barack Obama is lousy president and responsible for IRS persecuting conservatives and terrorists murdering several Americans in Benghazi. I, by contrast, am proud national security expert who protected you on 9/11 and strategic wizard who more than anyone, except underling President Bush, saved American lives by…

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State of the Union

January 26, 2012

This story is from the collection “Obama on Edge”

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Getting to Madrid

August 9, 2011

My journey to Madrid began on a Sunday morning as I drove from blistering Bakersfield down Highway 99 toward Los Angeles and punched sports talk radio but heard an ESPN guy strain to be funny and cool but sounding lame: most jockeys lack comedic skills and can’t sustain the purported subject matter of their shows.…

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Arnold Schwarzenegger Must be President

May 23, 2011

I know many of you believe I failed as Governor of California and am now indisputably a cur since I fathered a child, now age thirteen, with a member of my domestic household staff. You sympathize with my wife, Maria Shriver, because she long endured my infidelities and didn’t learn of this one until recently,…

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Franklin Roosevelt’s Assessments on the 70th Anniversary of World War II

September 1, 2009

Too often, I think, my fellow Americans view World War II as having begun that frightful Sunday morning December seventh, 1941 when carrier-based Japanese warplanes, in an unprovoked and dastardly attack on the United States fleet in Pearl Harbor, killed two thousand four hundred people, destroyed or damaged fifteen warships, and demolished almost two hundred…

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Ahmadinejad and Bush Spar at the United Nations

October 3, 2007

In a startling (and heretofore unreported) miscalculation in security planning last week at the United Nations in New York, secret service agents led a rapidly-departing President George W. Bush right into the exit path of the man he most loves to talk about but least wants to talk to, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran. President…

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Hugo Chavez Show

September 27, 2006

I’m having great time. I’ve got own television show, and no one can cancel. Who’d want to? Almost every Sunday I put on best show ever. I talk about politics and baseball and sex on “Alo Presidente” and then sing before discussing Christ – first socialist – and reminisce about military career as lieutenant colonel…

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Letter to President Bush: Try to Stabilize Iraq, then Leave

May 23, 2005

Dear President Bush, Let’s relax a few minutes and acknowledge that you are the most powerful man in the world, and the United States is fighting another war in Iraq, and the war is already more than two years old and the insurgency more deadly than ever and that your strategic reasoning for putting troops…

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Explosions and Elections in the Middle East

March 6, 2005

Several days ago Iraqi insurgents in Hilla detonated a massive car bomb scattering body parts and clothes onto a street puddled with blood.  About one hundred twenty people died and many more were wounded.  Most of the victims – typically – were unarmed, unprepared, and lightly guarded recruits for the army and police.  They were…

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Letter to President Bush: You Rose from the Canvas

October 10, 2004

Dear President Bush, It’s astonishing what preceded your comeback.  First, you got your ears boxed the week before by a debating opponent who reduced you to a series of inane and lethargic utterances.  Then you received another public report emphasizing your error in asserting that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction.  At the same time…

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Take Note, Security Moms: Kerry Manhandles Bush in First Debate

October 2, 2004

Many folks from all points on the political spectrum had begun conceding the election to our robust and resolute warrior-president.  They had to.  The polls were revealing the most horrifying perception of John Kerry.  Married middle class white women, whose support he’d been counting on, had decided he couldn’t protect them as well as George…

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Cool Cat Bush Improves Position

August 7, 2004

The polls say ninety percent of the people are already firm about who they’re going to vote for.  And many of them made choices based not so much on the economy or the war in Iraq but on the far more mundane, and critical, determination of who’s the cutest and who’s the coolest.  When the…

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Saddam Back on Stage as Insurgency Grows

July 11, 2004

The man’s a bona fide survivor, isn’t he? Hundreds of thousands of his victims inside and outside Iraq are dead. His sons are dead. Thousands of people mired in the mess he left have recently died. But Saddam Hussein lives on. He’s harder to kill than a cockroach in the deepest crevice, more difficult to…

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Surgery on Iraq

May 25, 2004

Let’s cut the bullshit – the stuff that so often comes from the mouths of leaders everywhere – and deal with some facts: The Bush administration repeatedly lied about the capabilities and intentions of Iraq to do harm to the United States. The Bush administration was internationally condemned for even contemplating an attack on a…

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