Category Archives: Saddam Hussein

Bush Still Defends Invasion

Don’t blame me Iraq’s falling apart. I tried to save the country and make it free and prosperous in the twenty-first century and beyond, and would’ve been successful but early in 2009 I had to turn the White House over to Barack Obama, a liberal weakling, and conditions in Iraq deteriorated after he stuck his […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, Middle East

Saddam Counters Islamic State

Thankfully I’m an empathetic man or I would’ve hammered my driver into the head of the flunky who interrupted my backswing on the gorgeous eighteenth tee at Doral. He said he was an aide to President Barack Obama and urged me to help save Iraq and the Middle East and vital American and Israeli interests. […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, George H. W. Bush, George W. Bush, Iran, Iraq, ISIS, Middle East, Ronald Reagan, Turkey

Inbox Photos

At first ping I leave Word, and rigors of composition, checking inbox to see email titled “Some Very Rare Photos” evoking memories: Wright Brothers get plane off ground; Titanic announces it’s big, dumb, and smoky embarking on maiden voyage and, decades later, sleek and relaxed on ocean floor; break-time construction workers dangle feet off steel […]

Also posted in Adolf Hitler, Albert Einstein, Berlin, Berlin Wall, Bruce Lee, Charlie Chaplin, Che Guevara, Elvis Presley, Fidel Castro, Germany, Google, John F. Kennedy, John Lennon, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, McDonald's, Music, Osama bin Laden, Photography, Physics, Politics, Short Pieces - GTC, Terrorism, The Beatles, Titanic

Conservative International Action Plan

We don’t think the United States will soon cease having at least one war to fight, but we’re getting worried. The ungrateful Iraqis just booted us because we insisted our soldiers receive judicial immunity. That’s excruciating since we could’ve done more nation building and proselytizing. At least we’re still battling the Taliban as well as […]

Also posted in Afghanistan, Barack Obama, Bashar al-Assad, China, Cold War, Conservatives, Iran, Iraq, Middle East, Nuclear Weapons, Pacific Ocean, Republicans, Russia, Syria, Taliban, Vladimir Putin

More Bombings in Iraq

somewhere saddam hussein sneers at george w bush about sunni bomb attacks on wobbly u.s. built sunni government in texas bush appalled barack obama letting his raw nation crumble in white house obama worries bush and saddam forming coalition

Also posted in Barack Obama, George W. Bush, Iraq, Middle East

Assad Welcomes Arab League

What arrogance, what ignorance my enemies in Syria and abroad daily show. They should understand I’ve given the Arab league permission to travel and observe my country and verify my regime is lawful, popular, and restrained. True, I did promise to withdraw my security forces and was so doing in Homs and elsewhere when Al […]

Also posted in Arab League, Bashar al-Assad, Mohammed Ahmed al-Dabi, Muammar Gaddafi, Omar al-Bashir, Poetry - GTC, Sudan, Syria

Saddam Hussein Comforts Departing American Troops

Despite their unconscionable betrayal I am poised to help the Americans when they inevitably return to my Iraq, which has ordered them out, a laudatory move on the surface but ghastly when analyzed. If not for my need to hide, where I cannot yet reveal, I could’ve explained, and in fact did long ago state, […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Egypt, Iran, Iraq, Israel, Lebanon, Middle East, Nouri al-Maliki, Syria

Sam Retired in Florida

Sam’s a helluva good guy I occasionally play golf with. He’s good looking and swarthy and impresses me the confident way he carries himself despite being a beginner shooting high scores on the best courses in Florida. “What kind of work did you do?” I recently asked. “My business. What kind of work you do?” […]

Also posted in Algeria, Cuba, Egypt, Fidel Castro, Iraq, Middle East, Poetry - GTC, Syria

Gaddafi Counterattacks

My opponents are not merely traitorous, they’re delusional, and I laughed at reports of their naïveté when told my powerful counterattacking forces had already recaptured the vital oil-production port of Ras Lanuf. “Oh, no, that’s just another Gaddafi lie,” they drunkenly shouted from Benghazi, our second largest city. By the time they accepted Ras Lanuf […]

Also posted in Al Jazeera, Arab League, Barack Obama, Libya, Media, Middle East, Muammar Gaddafi, United Nations

Hosni Mubarak Vows to Protect Egypt

I will always be on the side of the poor. That is why I just dismissed my ineffective cabinet, which was not doing enough to alleviate unemployment and poverty and hopelessness. Our precious youth must have opportunities I have long tried to create by privatizing businesses and safeguarding them so they can create jobs for […]

Also posted in Anwar Sadat, Ayatollah Khomeini, Barack Obama, Egypt, Hillary Clinton, Hosni Mubarak, Iran, Iraq, Israel, Middle East, Muslim Brotherhood, Palestine, Tunisia

Brain Surgery for Amadinejad

My precise surgical adjustments of the brain have moderated the invasive impulses of George W. Bush, who I may next have to treat for agoraphobia, transformed Saddam Hussein into a passionate democrat who perished with an authentic ballot in hand, and enabled Vladimir Putin to accept he could not be dictator for life. My recent […]

Also posted in George W. Bush, Holocaust, Iran, Israel, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Middle East, Nuclear Weapons

Saddam Hussein Vows to Rescue Iraq and President Bush

To the American people I must first urgently say: don’t worry. President George W. Bush, during one of many hazardous trips to Iraq, conferred with me in person and together we forcefully selected the most Saddam-like of my doubles and that dispensable fellow was the one who plummeted through the trapdoor into neck-snapped eternity. With […]

Also posted in George W. Bush, Iraq

Saddam Gloats over Iraqi Chaos

Who wrote that headline? I’m not gloating. I’m traumatized that six months after hanging me the Americans are still ravaging my country. Everyone knows scores (if not hundreds) of thousands of Iraqi civilians have died since the apocalyptic United States invasion in April 2003. Now the occupiers are testifying they will need to stay here […]

Also posted in Iraq

Saddam Hussein’s Final Interview

(Eleven days ago in a darkened room cold before dawn Saddam Hussein stood hoodless and neck-tied on the gallows as former subjects taunted and filmed him until the trapdoor snapped. Soon thereafter he was received by The Gatekeeper. A transcript of their exchange follows.) The Gatekeeper – We must put the sharp pieces of your […]

Also posted in Iraq

Iraqi Prime Minister Maliki to Assume Supreme Power

(Yesterday, Prime Minister Nuri Kamal al-Maliki made this secret statement to top Iraqi civilian and military leaders.) Only a couple of weeks ago people were laughing and making the vilest remarks. They said I was such a lackey and coward my wives had either barred me from our homes or at least withheld all reasonable […]

Also posted in George W. Bush, Iraq

Saddam Hussein Meets Eminent Leader

My captors said I didn’t have to. I assuredly knew that. They couldn’t have forced me. They’d degraded me so many ways, true, but this was my choice. This I did because I, Saddam Hussein, eternal President of Iraq, wanted to continue to serve the people of my country. I thus agreed to be escorted […]

Also posted in Iraq

Dashing Saddam Deluged by Proposals

Ignore reports that Saddam Hussein is planning to sue those responsible for publishing a photo of him wearing luminous white underwear as he stood washing clothes in his prison cell. Saddam did initially demand that his legal team file a five billion dollar suit against infidels presuming to snoop on and publicly degrade the man […]

Also posted in Iraq

Surgically Enhanced Saddam Backs Democracy

I am a different man. I am a new and much better man. I have never felt so grateful, though of course I would not have voluntarily had the operation. My captors stormed into my cell and like a warrior I fought them. I struck and kicked and cursed and called them scoundrels and dogs […]

Also posted in Iraq

Saddam Back on Stage as Insurgency Grows

The man’s a bona fide survivor, isn’t he? Hundreds of thousands of his victims inside and outside Iraq are dead. His sons are dead. Thousands of people mired in the mess he left have recently died. But Saddam Hussein lives on. He’s harder to kill than a cockroach in the deepest crevice, more difficult to […]

Also posted in George W. Bush, Iraq

Gaddafi’s Daughter Joins Saddam’s Exciting Legal Team

Google and Yahoo are search engines of astonishing reach and daily utility but I’m a little disappointed in them tonight: they were only able to provide one picture of Aisha Gaddafi, daughter of Muammar and newest member of the rapidly growing Saddam legal team that now numbers twenty-one professional and hundreds of volunteer lawyers.  If […]

Also posted in Iraq, Muammar Gaddafi

Saddam Wears a Beard

I’m still and forevermore President of Iraq and remind you that ninety-nine percent of the people support me. Imagine George W. Bush telling me to get out of my country within forty-eight hours. He’s an arrogant little man who considers Iraq a cowboy movie set and himself the gunslinger everyone fears. Really, no one’s afraid […]

Also posted in George W. Bush, Iraq, War